Page 5 of Bullet

When Crush found me, I was out cold. He came looking for me because he knew I wouldn’t miss meeting up with him. I was bloody and broken. How Crush was able to get me back to the clubhouse was beyond me. All I can remember was the searing pain of every movement I made. I vaguely remember Saint working on me, but I do remember clearly the anguish on Crush’s face when I opened my eyes for a few seconds. It haunts me to this day. I know Crush blames himself for not being with me, but that’s just insane.

I thought I could handle myself and the situation. I didn’t want a war to break out between the Deviants and the Pride because the club has already been through so much. I really thought I’d made myself clear to Jaws, and he assured me he’d back off.

He lied, and if Crush hadn’t found me, I’d be dead. I didn’t die that night, but it changed the club, and Guard has put measures in place for all the brothers to stay safe.

I messed up, and Crush is going to be pissed. I’ll take his anger because I know, deep down, the man loves me like a brother, and what comes off as anger is really fear of losing a friend. Crush has already lost so much; I won’t be another person who disappears from his life.

I pull up to the club to see that the party has wound down. Noah is cleaning up, while the others are probably sleeping in their rooms. I give Noah a hand, collecting the empty beer bottles, straightening the furniture, and picking up garbage.

“You don’t have to help. I got this,” Noah says while piling the empty cases.

“I know. I want to.”

Noah smiles. “Thanks. I appreciate the help.”

“I’ve been a prospect. We have to do the shit jobs to get to be a member, but it’s worth every minute,” I tell him.

“I know. If it weren’t for the Pride, I’d be dead, and who the hell knows what would have happened to Charlotte,” he replies.

Noah’s introduction to the club wasn’t quite as smooth as mine. He was in a rival gang, and when the Pride caught Noah, it should have been the end for him. But when the truth came out, our club saw that this kid was a victim as well.

The Pride will never back down from a war. Noah and his sister were casualties of war, and it worked out that Noah found his place here.

Sleep doesn’t come easily, but eventually, I lay my head on my pillow. I know I’m going to hear it from Crush tomorrow, but I toss that aside because a beautiful strawberry blonde with pretty violet eyes comes to mind.

The next morning…

“Okay, you’re pissed. I get it. I apologize,” I say, exasperated. There is nothing worse than the silent treatment, and Crush does that better than anyone. I think he’s perfected it over the years because he knows how much it pisses me off. “Are you going to ignore me all day? I’ve had an easier time getting a woman into bed,” I tease.

I see the side of his mouth crook upward. He turns to me. “Sorry means nothing when I’m looking at you all bloody and shit.” Fuck! I hate that for him. I hate that he was the one who found me. He lived through the same nightmare, only in a different way.

“Look, bro, I can’t take back last night, but I hear ya. We’ve got to move forward. It sucks that Guard’s ready to throttle me, but it’s even worse when you’re pissed at me.”

“Why did you go? It’s not like you could have done anything anyway.”

“It’s kind of hard to explain.”

“Try!” He glances at me, still keeping his hands on the steering wheel. We’re heading over to Amelia’s this morning, as promised.

“It’s hard to explain, but it’s like when that beating happened to me, I felt like I let everyone down, including myself. I saw what it did to you, and I hate myself for falling into their trap. The club went to war for me. I hate that too. They had to bloody their hands because I was an idiot and thought I could handle the situation myself. My Pride brothers never left my side. Not through my recovery. Not through my physio, not ever. Even when I was getting my strength back and at the gym, I knew Guard sent someone to keep an eye on me to make sure I was okay.”

“That’s a problem?” Crush counters.

“That’s the best thing that came out of the whole tragedy. But now, I feel like I’m being watched all the time because they don’t trust me on my own. It’s like I’m the kid brother who gets beaten up in the schoolyard, and someone has to be with me all the time to make sure I don’t get in trouble again. Last night, I was trying to prove to myself that I can be me again. Before the Deviant Soldiers, I was one of the guys, and each one of us had our place. Now, I’m feeling like I’m not doing my part, especially if I can’t check out a job on my own.” Crush starts to speak, but I hold up my hand. “Before you say anything, I checked out Amelia Ralleigh before leaving for her house. I checked with Izzy. I scouted the neighborhood and scoped out her place through the windows. I’m not trying to get beat to shit again, but I do want to be able to do stuff on my own and feel normal.” I sigh, then add, “Your turn.”

Crush shakes his head. “I didn’t know you were thinking all that.” He pulls the truck into Amelia’s driveway. “It nearly killed me to see you in the alley, and God, there was so much blood. I was actually happy when you moaned in pain because that meant you were alive.” He pauses, then says, “You’re the only family I have. Yeah, we have the Pride, but you and I share a past, and nothing will ever change that.” He looks up to the ceiling of the truck, then to me. “You’re right, though. You need to be at peace, so I’ll give you space.”

“I still fucked up. I didn’t follow Guard’s rule, and I should have told you.” I hold out my hand. “Are we good?”

Crush takes it and slaps a hand on my shoulder for good measure. “Always, man.” Then his eyes move toward the house where Amelia is standing on her porch, watching us. “That’s Miss Ralleigh? Damn, she’s hot.”

A burning need to punch Crush in the mouth comes over me. I reel it in, but say, “Off. Limits.”

Crush looks at me and gives me a sly grin. “Someone likes the principal. I bet you want to be sent down to the principal’s office,” he jokes.

“Don’t make me throttle you.”

He gets out of the car and moves to the back of the truck to get down the ladder, while I head for the porch.