Page 16 of Before We Burn

“Does she have a family?” I asked, my voice laced with regret.

“Don’t we all?” Constantine's question lingered in the air as I tried my hardest to remember if I had a family. Someone must be missing me, looking for me… Right?

I felt my lips begin to quiver and tears threatened to pool, but nothing fell. I was too distracted by the thirty other people who were all thinking too loudly—too fast—and just too much. It became overwhelming, and before I knew it, I wanted to slaughter all of them.

It was Constantine who stopped me. Explained to me what was happening, taught me how to shut out the voices in my mind and find peace within myself.

That’s when I learned about the witches partnering with vampires to guarantee survival. It didn’t last long, though; the vampires could only protect so many witches during the day. It didn’t help when the humans discovered the gene that helped identify witches.

Slowly the pact they created became irrelevant, and everyone was doing their best to survive. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized I had killed the most powerful witch they had. She was one of the anchors, and it's my fault those witches lost their strength.

I get up and move to the bathroom. I need to wash my face, to breathe. I got so close to the memory I’m now reliving the emotions. The turmoil, the regret, everything floods me. I turn on the cold water, letting it run until it stings the tips of my fingers. I splash my face over and over again, the picture of the dead witch never leaving my mind. I want to fucking scream. Tell her how sorry I am. I don’t know why it had to be her, but it had to be her.

I remember feeling such a pull. Like I was meant to kill her. She didn’t fight me, either—she could’ve, but she didn’t. I can still see the small grin on her face and the way she closed her eyes. I want to forget. I want to cry. But I am in the one place where I can never let go.

I straighten my back and look at myself in the spelled mirrors, gifted to us by the witches to see our reflections, and sigh. I need to leave that memory alone. I never want to experience that lack of control again.

Moving with a quickness, I return to my classroom, but unfortunately another guest is waiting there. And even more unfortunate—it’s Alexander.

His feet rest on top of my desk, his dirty shoes dripping muck all over the papers I had been reading through. He holds one in his hands, an amused expression on his face. He perches his sole, white eyebrow and beams at me.

“You have them write about how their abilities make them feel? Is this what has come of the monster in the dark?” He’s a condescending bastard. The smug look on his face would be better under my heel. I try to cover my distaste, but I’m already on edge from earlier.

“It would be hard for someone without special abilities to understand, seeing that manipulation is very common and lying to others doesn’t take much effort. Until you’re around someone like me, who sees through the bullshit words and fake softness in your eyes.”

I didn’t realize it, but I moved closer to him. My knees press against the armrest of my chair, our eyes in a silent battle to see who will break first.

I snatch the paper from his hand, his eyes darting to it then back to me, relishing in smug satisfaction. It’s not everyday I purposely piss him off, but he deserves it right now. These letters are private, and he has no right to look through the students’ things.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. For someone so smart, you are so dense,” he says, like I’m not there and he’s talking to himself.

“Tell me what you want, Alexander. I’m not in the mood.” I cross my arms against my chest, my face cold and statuesque. I don’t want to talk to him. I want him to leave.

“You have the night off,” he proclaims, as he fusses with a metal paperweight Constantine got me for my three-hundredth birthday.

I’m confused. I haven’t had a night off since I got here. We don’t follow the same protocols as humans—there’s no Human Resources for our establishment. Alexander is law and order here, and that’s why we all try to stay on his good side.

“Please, I’m not in the mood for your jokes. As you can see, I have a lot of papers to read, so I would enjoy some quiet time.” My voice is laced with irritation, and this time I don’t try to hide it.

“This isn’t an ask. This is an order from your superior telling you to take your attitude and yourself home. Unless you’d like to come to my office and learn some manners.” He stands, closing the distance between us until we’re sharing breath. I am beyond irritated, and he knows that. He sees it as an advantage. I see it as a death wish.

“Alexander, please get out of my face, or I’m going to take my knife and slit your very exposed throat.” My rhetoric makes him smile. The bastard always knew how to push my buttons.

“You know I’ve always liked you, Marzana. Your ability to fit the mold, but also fight it, has always been your saving grace. But unlike the elders, I see through it. I see your duality as a pathway to betrayal. Your mind is your own, separate from the hive-like way vampires think. I shouldn’t be surprised, especially because of who you were when you were human.” He’s baiting me. Alexander wasn’t there when I was turned, so how would he know anything about me?

He brushes his knuckles along my jaw, his smile fading, leaving an expression I can only describe as longing. “It’s funny, isn’t it? How someone so venomous can be so fucking beautiful.”

His breath brushes against my face as he leans in, inhaling my scent, which causes shivers to travel down my spine. My nature should make me cower and beg for forgiveness; instead I find myself ready to challenge him. I push him back harshly, a knife suddenly in my hand and pressed against his throat. He flashes me a satisfied smirk as he adjusts his black suit coat. I stand my ground, hoping the threat is enough to show him I am not this weak, meager being.

“You will take the night off. If I find out you’ve held any classes or stayed on the property longer than you should’ve, I will be contacting the Council of Five to handle your disobedience.” The look in Alexander's eyes tells me this is more than a threat, it was his plan all along. He wanted to show power doesn’t always depend on who gets shown the respect.

I stand there quietly, my knife held firmly at his throat. If I speak, it will add fuel to the fire, and this will become a war instead of a simple battle. I lower my knife, letting him think he won, but I’m not going to roll over like a dog.

He walks out of the room with a cheerful grin, and I can finally breathe. I’m not going to stay here longer than I need to; the threat of the council is enough for me to cut my losses. I don’t respect the Elders as leaders, but they are leaders nonetheless. Their reach is far beyond mine, and I can’t imagine having to fight a battle with them.

Plus, if Alexander goes to the council, he would have to tell them why he took such a drastic measure, which would lead Alexander to talk about Bunny. I can’t risk that, so this loss is actually a win in my eyes.

I gather my things, packing up the papers Alexander scattered around. I groan at the dirt stains and foot prints on some of them, but they’re still legible, and that’s all that matters.