Page 39 of Before We Burn

I stand in a corner, watching over Benny—not like he needed my protection. Marz gave him all she could to save him. I should be grateful, I should thank her. But something in my gut won’t let me.

I had been struggling with the idea of hunting witches—that’s not a secret to anyone. Now I am struggling with the idea of hunting vampires. My entire identity is being unraveled before my eyes, and I don’t know how to feel about it.

Footsteps sound from down the hall, and I push off the wall and reach for my gun that is usually on my hip. There’s still nothing there—no way of me protecting myself or Benny if I have to.

Luckily I don’t need it, because to my surprise, Marzana stands in the living room. Her arms are crossed against her chest, and she has a serious scowl on her face.

She looks good. Well, she looks great compared to before. She must’ve showered after Benny, because her hair has been styled into a slick bun, exposing the high points of her cheeks. Her features are stunning—beautiful almond eyes, an upturned nose, and full lips that look like they’re as soft as clouds—and she’s dressed in a black long-sleeved shirt that exposes just a sliver of her abdomen paired with black jeans that hug close to her full hips.

She sits on the pull-out couch next to Benny, seeming unsure of herself. Or maybe I’m looking too hard into it. She could just be purely exhausted. I need to find a way to apologize to her, but that would mean accepting I was wrong.

“Would you like some food?” Her voice cuts through my thoughts, and I shift uncomfortably. The way I was just thinking about her wouldn’t have been quiet. “You’re right. It wasn’t quiet, but that’s okay. Would you like some food?”

I stand there like a fool. My arms hang by my sides, my eyes wide with disbelief. She caught me, and I hate that she knows I was admiring her. I look at Benny then back to Marz, a memory popping into my mind. It’s a dumb one, but I think telling her will help her understand the dynamic between me and Benny.

“One time, when we were thirteen—” I motion to Benny as I take a seat on an empty entertainment system. “We were so hungry we decided to steal food from the ranking officers. Thinking about it now, it was the stupidest thing we could’ve done. The ranking officers always had the best stuff. We thought our plan was fool proof, but we were wrong and got caught in the process. Benny took the blame—he told me it was smarter that way, because when the pain comes he goes somewhere else. He finds his family. It was my fault he had to take that beating, though. I was the one who convinced him, the same way I convinced him to come meet us.”

I pause, remembering the moment when Benny was dragged away from the cell we shared. He didn’t cry or scream, just winked and allowed them to drag him away.

“He’s my brother, and you saved him. Thank you.” I never thought I would see the day I would learn to forgive. I know I’m not perfect and will still hold onto small resentments—I still have things to work on—but I will never hate Marz or anyone else for the simple fact they’re a vampire. I’m done thinking that way.

“You’re welcome.” Marz’s voice carries an ease I’ve never heard from her before. It makes me smile, and I suddenly feel like we might’ve made it to some weird friendship level I never thought possible.

“What about you? Do you have any stories about when you were first turned into a vampire? Did you have brothers and sisters before you were turned?” Suddenly I remember her explosion after seeing Sahara’s body, when she said their human memories were lost when they are changed, and I feel like a jackass. “You know what, nevermind. I didn’t mean⁠—”

She gives me a hollow laugh. “My human memories are lost forever; it’s not a secret. You don’t have to beat around the bush or pretend to worry about my feelings. The truth is the truth.” She shrugs as she picks at her fingernails. “I don’t know if I had any siblings, or even parents who loved me. I guess it’s better than living with the memory of them if they were terrible, right?”

She looks at me with those big green eyes. I had been so blinded by the fact she was a vampire that I forgot that she was also a person. Sure, our genetic makeups are different and she can take a bullet and keep going, but we both share the same core. Mine just came with a beating heart.

“I think it would be hard for anyone to not love you.” I don’t sugar coat the fact I can see it. She must’ve noticed that everyone gravitates toward her like moths to a flame. Shit, I think I might actually hold some care for her—some type of love.

“If you could remember being human, do you think you’d miss it?”

A long silence came next. I see her go through the memories, searching for something—anything—that would give her an answer.

“That’s a complicated question. How are you going to ask an immortal who welcomes death if they miss the uncertainty of waking each morning?” She shakes her head. “How are you going to ask me that?”

I don’t know why I asked her that.

“Well, I’m intrigued to hear your thought process.”

She turns to look at me, her eyes glistening in the warm light surrounding us. Her lips turn up in the slightest smile, and I feel my face warm. Me, Everett Hill, thirty-two years of age, blushing because a vampire looked at me with the softest expression.

I’m a sucker for a nice smile, though.

“I want to die,” she starts, but pauses to take a deep breath. “I’ve wanted to die for a very long time. When you don’t see a change in the near future, and the world is always in disarray—men fighting for power, witches struggling to survive, vampires next on the chopping block—I’d rather burn for eternity in whatever hell awaits me than witness the slaughter of more of my friends.”

The softness to her expression has disappeared, now heavy with grief. I want to hold her, tell her I wish I could go back and do things differently. But it would be a lie. If I had the chance to go back, knowing what I know now, nothing would change. I would just end up another body in an unmarked grave with the same scripture written on a piece of paper and buried with me as the rest of them.

“I know I can’t give you your human memories back or change the way things are now. But I’m a betting man, and I would bet the family that lost you mourned you everyday, Marzana. You scare the shit out of me, but I’m starting to enjoy your presence.” The air in the room turns electric, the hairs on my arms standing up as my heart beats loud in my ears.

The feelings I have are unexplainable. I inch my face closer to hers, close enough that our breaths brush against each other's skin. I’m just about to make the move I’ve been questioning if I should this entire time when Marz stands.

“He’s about to wake up.” I look at Benny for two seconds before he stirs, a grimace on his face. A gentle breeze brushes by me, and when I turn to look for Marz, she’s gone.

Benny sits up, stretching and yawning obnoxiously before his eyes meet mine. I feel him watching me, but I don’t want to look at him just yet. The interaction I just had with Marzana is still playing in my mind. There was something there, but what? I don’t know.

“So much for killing every vampire you see.” Benny’s voice is laced with irritation which gets my full attention.