Page 61 of Before We Burn

Nadiya turns to look at me, her eyes wide with some type of heart-felt emotion I can’t pinpoint. “He loves you,” she whispers, her attention returning to the scene in front of us. His hands were on my body now, but his eyes never left my face.

“He loves you a lot,” Nadiya says, as the sound of our moans fill my mind and an overwhelming sense of longing fills my chest.

The truth is, I don’t deserve his love. I don’t know how to accept it. But I know I want him to grow old, have children, and live a long happy life where he dies when it’s his time.

But for now, I enjoy the memory. Even if it feels like a dream.

25

SLIPPERY SLOPE

EVERETT

This was supposed to be simple. Find Bunny, find Gray, and get to the council to ask them to help stop the humans. What I didn’t account for was that I would fall for a vampire, find out my best friend’s a witch—who somehow passed the blood test—and I am actually the monster in this scenario. Not them.

I just don’t understand how all of this came to be.

I think back to the vampires Benny and I found in that gas station. The way their bodies burned and turned to ash. That wasn’t normal, and I knew it then, but after seeing Sahara’s body on that wall, I knew something was definitely wrong. I wanted to bring it up at some point, I just didn’t know when.

A deep breath escapes me, and I close my eyes as the wind blows gently against my face. It’s fall here in Boston, and the community seems to blossom with it. The crops supposedly grow better here in the fall, and heartier vegetables mean meals that will fill you for an entire day.

The smell of firewood travels on the crisp breeze, and a bit of tranquility finds me with it until I hear heavy footsteps behind me as the sliding glass door shuts. I don’t turn around to see who it is, because I know it’s not Gray, Bunny, or Constantine—the footsteps are too heavy. The only other options are Ciro, Malcolm, or Benny. Benny took a shower and would never come outside with his hair wet—he claims it will get him sick. Now I know it’s because he’s a witch, and they believe going outside with a wet head allows demons to possess you faster.

It can’t be Malcolm, because he made it clear he would spend the entire time we are here locked up in his room with Gray. It’s been three days and I’ve only seen him once, but I’ve heard him—both of them—loud and clear throughout the night.

That leaves Ciro, the one vampire I really don’t want to see. As if I hadn’t told him to fuck off before, he walks up behind me and leans over the black metal railing—right fucking next to me.

There is something about Ciro that makes my skin boil. He’s arrogant, self-centered, and a fucking asshole. He can never just let someone be. He gets off on poking and proding people until they’re in a fit of rage. It’s nearly impossible to ignore a person like that; he has his own silent way of knowing exactly how to get under your skin.

“You know, I could just ask Constantine to use her gifts to make you less miserable.” Ciro thinks he’s being funny, but I’m already a step ahead of him.

I turn my head slightly and give him the most unimpressed look I can muster up. “Constantine would rather chew off her right foot than see me happy.”

To my surprise, Ciro lets out a deep laugh that sounds way too close to that of someone imitating someone else with no personality. I furrow my brows and watch as he grips his stomach and pretends to wipe a tear from his eyes.

“Come on, man. Are you really going to mope the entire time she’s gone? Life goes on without her.” I narrow my eyes and look over the large backyard filled with dead grass and trees that have just started to produce apples.

I know life goes on without Marz, but I hate hearing that it would. No matter what other people try to say, she is truly the only person who was there for me in a time that was so low and dark. Benny tried, but I could never speak freely with him. The constant pressure of making sure I upheld my title and rank weighed on me and our friendship. With Marz, there was none of that.

“Nadiya isn’t going to hurt her. They’re kin. Family.”

For some reason that sounded humorous. I can’t help but huff out the word, “Family.” I shake my head, a small, sarcastic laugh escaping me. “Family doesn’t mean shit when they’ll sacrifice their own children to be turned into⁠—”

I stop myself. The words linger in the air and a tense silence follows. To be frank, I don’t think Marz is a monster. I don’t think that of Bunny or even Constantine or Gray. Ciro? Maybe. He’s questionable, but monster seems to be a heavy word for people who were willing to create safe houses and protect people who needed it the most.

“Monster?” Ciro says the word with a smile on his face, and guilt makes my insides sink.

Every time something seems to go wrong, it’s like my brain reverts to my old way of thinking. I’ve caught myself time and time again feeling so angry about things I didn’t need to be angry over. When anyone mentions feeding, I instantly become defensive. My thoughts automatically travel to a dark place filled with insults and pity for those poor people they’re killing. I never took into account that less murders and assaults happened when there were vampires around. They were technically vigilantes.

Ciro seems to recognize my internal conflict. He shifts away from me, focused on the distance. His eyes can see more than mine, and I suddenly wonder if he knows where our girls are.

“I get it. You were bred to hate anything and everything vampires and witches are.”

“Don’t forget demons and werewolves. They’re rare, but we’re still reminded to hate them all the same,” I interject.

Ciro laughs lightly before continuing, “Regardless of what you were taught, you’re still your own person. You recognized their way of thinking is wrong. Sure, some of us are dangerous, but we have people like Gray to keep that under control. Or Marz, who’ll teach them how to be an active member of society. It’s just…when we’re created and brand new, we’re nobody. We are usually alone, forced to fend for ourselves with nothing but hunger burning in our throats.”

I turn to watch Ciro as he speaks. I watch him mentally drift into those moments he experienced. I hate that I feel pity for him; he doesn’t deserve pity. He deserves someone to feel proud of him. He didn’t let his circumstances decide his fate, but I recognize that is exactly what I’m doing. My circumstances have controlled me long enough, so I decide it’s time to change that.