Page 30 of Hexes From Exes

“First,” she said, pulling up a slide showing three tiers. “We have three tiers to our company with respect to pay structure. The first level is support staff, the fuel that helps the company run. This includes maintenance staff and cleaning crews – they are not employed through a separate company, they are part of Eternal Beauty Systems. If they work at least 20 hours a week, they have 401k matching, stipends for child care, fully-funded health care, and other benefits, such as one year paid maternity leave, six months paid paternity leave.

“But the most important part of this tier is they are the basis of our pay scale. Because the tier three,” she used her pointer to circle the top of the three tiers, “will never make more than five times what the lowest paid employee in tier one makes.”

The silence that followed was deafening. Rick was pretty sure he heard a few people gasp.

“Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re reaching into your mind to try to figure out what your salary would be if you multiplied your janitor’s income by five. I’m assuming for some of you that number would not be six figures. Many of you would argue that a salary that low is not conducive to life. You’ve worked hard, you went through school and got a degree…or, you know, you didn’t. I don’t have a degree. I’m a college drop out. If you don’t think you could live on anything under six figures, how do you expect your staff to live on twenty percent of that?”

Stephanie turned back to her screen, paging over to the next image.

“So, where does the money go? Let’s do a breakdown. Here’s our raw figures for last year. Here we subtract cost of doing business – buying products, research, replacing things that break. Now we subtract paying employees, benefits…and here’s what’s left.”

Rick heard a few people whistle at the number. Human money never made sense to Rick and the value changed every time he came to the human realm anyway. Still, he could agree the number did have a lot of zeros.

“We take fifty percent of that and reinvest it in the company. Every quarter there’s a voluntary meeting in which any member of the staff can recommend changes or improvements to the company. This includes new products, new product lines to initiate, new benefits. The money that’s reinvested goes to these changes and improvements to keep the company healthy and moving forward. The other fifty percent is spread through the staff based on an equation similar to the one that determines pay. The highest ranked member of the company cannot receive more than five times what the lowest paid member of the company earns as a bonus. We use things like time in the company to help make bonus decisions because we want to reward loyalty. We also give bonuses for recruiting, submitting ideas – even if they’re not used. These bonuses are distributed in chunks every quarter.”

Rick started to hear murmurs in the back of the room. He resisted the urge to turn around and shush them very loudly. Rick hadn’t the faintest idea what Stephanie was going on about, but the way the room was reacting, he had a feeling it was a monumental success.

“Let’s talk about retention,” she said, flipping to another slide. “In the last six months, we’ve had two employees in the entire company leave. This includes people in all tiers of pay structure. One employee moved to another state, the other retired.

“I don’t give this presentation because I am under any great illusions that this will catch on. I know what some of you are mumbling or texting – if we’re not paying our CEOs and CFOs and VPs and all those fancy acronyms millions of dollars, we’re a doomed company. The fact of the matter is that we are replaceable. I am nothing special. There are hundreds of more qualified women who can and will do my job, and likely do it better than I ever could. You know who’s not replaceable? My chemist that created a patented proprietary blend that has won countless awards. Our maintenance crew who keeps our company running, the security that keeps us safe, and the countless other people who want to make a good living and support their family doing what they love.

“I hope this presentation inspires you to rethink your pay structure. Change like this can happen all at once, but you can also make meaningful changes without adopting it immediately. I’ve included a copy of suggestions in the binder on your table, which lists different ways you can implement an employee-first pay scale and benefit structure step by step. I truly believe this is the driver of success for our company, and I don’t think I’ll be sad to see your company go under if it’s because you don’t pay your employees well. Because someone else will.

“Thank you so much for your time, I hope you have a wonderful evening.”

As Stephanie stepped off the stage, the applause was scattered. Rick’s was the loudest and echoed through the room, followed by a few of the wait staff along the edges of the crowd. Mild tittering claps echoed through the over full room as Stephanie exited the stage and sat down next to Rick with a nervous smile on her face. Rick had never seen her smile like that before, like her face was stretched uncomfortably to the edges. He noticed that her hands were shaking as she placed them in her lap. The others at the table, who previously engaged in animated conversation with Stephanie, now avoided her gaze.

“I don’t understand the silence,” Rick said.

Stephanie laughed and shrugged. “Oh, I do. I expected even less clapping, so I’m pleasantly surprised. I gave this same speech two years ago at a networking conference, and I got booed off stage.”

“Booed?” Rick asked.

Stephanie shrugged. “Most of the people in this room have never made under a few million dollars a year. They think a two-million-dollar salary is poverty. The idea that they would need to pay their janitor nearly half a million dollars to keep that up makes them physically ill.” Stephanie’s gaze darted around the room.

Rick followed her gaze, seeing the hostility of the others in the room. Most were ignoring her, but a few others were whispering to each other and pointedly looking at her. One maintained eye contact as they dropped the binder Stephanie mentioned onto the ground. Rick resisted the urge to listen in to their conversations. He barely avoided a fight just an hour ago, but he wouldn’t be so forgiving again.

“How much longer do we have to be here?” Rick asked.

“Let’s just wait until it’s over. I refuse to be seen as sneaking out,” she said.

So, they stayed.

Chapter Twelve

Rick spent the night at Stephanie’s again.

When he stumbled through the portal to Anathamea the next morning, Jerry was rubbing his eyes awake, nodding to Rick. “Late night?” he asked.

Rick shrugged. “You know the best revenge plays the long game,” he said by way of dismissal. It wasn’t a lie. He’d once spent four months enacting a very specific type of revenge on someone that involved inopportune moments of diarrhea. It culminated with a blow out at the altar as he married his mistress. One of his best works, really.

Rick was late to the office, so he decided to swing by the IT department to check on his laptop before heading in as an excuse for his tardiness. The demon behind the IT desk tapped away on his computer, shaking his head. “Nah, hasn’t come back from the human realm. Strange, usually these fixes are pretty quick. They really work those humans up there,” he added with a laugh. “What a shitty life.”

“What do you mean?” Rick asked.

The demon shrugged. “Oh, you know, they have to work forty hours a week, usually more, just to get paid next to nothing. And no magic either.” He snorted and shook his head. “I’ll keep an eye out for your laptop. In the meantime, you want a loaner?”

Rick shook his head. He had no idea what the passwords were for any of his programs, anyway. The loaner computer would just be a desk decoration.