Page 27 of The Right to Remain Single

Chapter Six

“You mean you’ll…” She withdrew her hand from his arm and stood back a little. Now that going to bed with him seemed a real possibility, she found herself completely unnerved.

His smile was rueful and kind. “Not quite so appealing, is it, when you think it might actually happen?”

She tried to collect her thoughts. She liked him so very much. She wished she could keep him.

“It is and it isn’t,” she said. “I’m not the same person as four years ago. I don’t want to be ruined—but nor do I object to it, either. It doesn’t seem to matter much anymore. What I want is something else entirely—or rather, something more.”

“Intimacy,” he said.

“Yes!” How wonderful, and yet so natural, that he understood. It felt as if they had known one another forever. She twisted her hands together, a little embarrassed but mostly eager. “Not merely of the body, but of the mind and heart as well.” She glanced up at him. “As your Cavalier poet says.”

“So he does,” James said. “He’s a nuisance at times, but there’s no doubting his worldly wisdom.”

She tucked her hand back in his arm. “I wasn’t being nosy, you know. He showed me the poetry. I thought it was yours at first, because ghosts can’t write.” She bit her lip. “He wanted you to, er, tup me that night.”

“And berated me repeatedly after you left. I’ve often wondered if he misses the physical aspect of love—or perhaps just wants us to enjoy it while we can.”

“Max does the same—encouraging people, that is. The little wood past the orchard is the local lovers’ retreat. Sometimes he disapproves of a young man and drives him away, but if he approves, he keeps everyone else away instead. Joey’s mother swears that Joey is a direct result of Max’s assistance. He made sure her irate father didn’t catch them until it was too late, so he had no choice but to allow them to marry. They are a very happy couple, so Max was right to help them.”

James smiled down at her. “Both our ghosts approve of falling in love and marrying. Perhaps in their long experience of humanity, they recognize that intimacy, in all its aspects, is best expressed within marriage.”

Yes, she thought, wondering if by depriving herself of marriage, she was depriving herself of that delightful intimacy, too.

Perhaps, but she had chosen her safe path and meant to keep to it. “As long as all the aspects are there, which they would not be if I were to wed someone like Mr. Tilson.”

“Nor if I were to marry one of father’s heiresses. But you needn’t worry. Perhaps Max suggested what he did because I cannot protect you at night unless I am in your bedchamber. I’ll be there to ensure your safety, but that’s all.”

She couldn’t suppress a sigh.

His lips twisted regretfully. “Hopefully, I can manage to avoid being caught by a servant coming in at dawn to build up the fire.”

She shook her head, grateful for the prosaic turn of the conversation. “Mrs. Day finds it tiring to go up and down stairs, and Martha is so grumpy in the morning that I get my own fire going rather than require her to wake early. She makes up for it in the evenings, when Mrs. Day wants to sit with a cup of tea.”

“Good. But if we should happen to be found out, you needn’t worry. I shan’t let your father force you to marry me.”

“What about your reputation? For Papa might make a huge stink, you know.”

“My reputation can go hang. What matters is your freedom to do as you choose.”

She would never accept such a sacrifice on his part! She would have to take the blame upon herself, but it was no use telling him so. They would just have to be careful.

“Your happiness,” he said.

If only she knew what that meant. A few days ago, she’d had a vision for her perfect, untrammeled future—but now, she wasn’t so sure.

* * *

Indoors, they parted to dress for dinner. James left Thomasina in her bedchamber, attended by Martha, changed into evening attire, and wrote a quick letter to Colin Warren. He could protect Thomasina for now, but later he might not be in a position to do so. He hastened downstairs and found Joey setting the dining table.

“Just the man I want to see,” he said. “To whom shall I give a letter to be posted?”

“I can take it,” Joey began, then shook his head “No, best give it to Mick, sir. I have to stay to serve dinner, but he’ll take it to the village now and see that it’s put on the mail coach tonight.”

James eyed the young footman. “Can you spare a moment from your duties and come to the stables with me? I’d like to speak to you and Mick together.”

Joey willingly accompanied him outdoors. Once the door was shut behind them, he asked, “Begging your pardon, sir, but is it about Mr. Furbelow? ’Cause me and Mick, we don’t trust him. Martha will sleep in Mrs. Day’s room while he’s here, but what about Miss Tommie? Me and Mick, we could keep watch in the corridor, but if the master finds out, he’ll want to know why, and Miss Tommie, well…” He ground to an embarrassed halt.