Page 146 of Sunrise & Serenity

And hell, maybe this is the best way for me to help my family. The expansion’s already stretching everybody thin. Chance invested a fortune in the breeding program, and Sterling’s carrying half the damn ranch on his back while pretending he’s not exhausted. I might not need the money a rodeo gig will offer, but Wild Ember does.

If I can bring in more without giving Sterling something else to worry about, at least I’ll be doing something useful.

I look down at the dirt on my boots. “I need something lined up. As soon as you can.”

Rick is quiet, and for a second, I think he’s going to challenge me.

“All right,” he says instead. “There’s a rider development program looking for someone with your experience. Clinics, some mentorship work, sponsor appearances, a bit of media stuff. Good money. You’ll be a big draw.”

My stomach twists. “How soon?”

“They’ve got a clinic outside Colorado Springs next weekend. The sponsor wants to launch the program before the season hits full swing.”

I watch two horses move lazily through the sunlight in the corral outside. Then I think about Sage standing at the bottom of the porch, looking at me like she was waiting for me to tell her not to go.

This morning, she was in my bed. Now everything around me feels wrong, and I can’t fucking breathe.

“You want me to call them?” Rick asks.

I don’t answer straight away. Part of me wants to tell him no. To hang up. To walk back to the house once we’ve both cooled off and try to figure this out with Sage. Maybe she’d tell me she’s staying. Maybe she’d tell me she’s going.

I envision her standing in a fancy gallery halfway across the world while I’m here, longing for a woman who was never really mine to keep. Or her staying, then waking up ten years from now wondering if she traded everything she worked for because she got attached to a washed-up bull rider hiding out on his family ranch.

I don’t know which outcome would hurt more.

“Yeah. Set it up,” I mutter, the words leaving an acid taste in my mouth.

He lets out a slow breath. “You sure?”

Damn him for forcing me to say it twice. “Yeah. I’m in.”

“There’s a PBR event in Durango this weekend. Sponsor reps will be there. I’ll be there,” he tells me. “Why don’t you come? Observe some of the riders before the clinic? Ease back into things?”

Even better. No time to think. No time to change my mind. “That works.”

“I’ll send through the details.”

After we end the call, I take in the view of the ranch from here, the way it stretches green and gold beneath the afternoon sun, with the mountains rising blue in the distance. It looks different today. Or maybe it’s just me. Because for the first time since I returned, leaving feels real again.

And somehow that hurts worse than coming back ever did.

CHAPTER 37

SAGE

I’m too wound up to sit still.

I spend fifteen minutes moving around the kitchen, pretending to organize a camera bag that’s already organized, before I give up, strap it across my back, and head outside.

Instead of turning toward the main barn, my feet carry me toward the small field behind the foaling barn, where I’ve been a regular visitor over the last few weeks.

Trouble spots me almost immediately.

A few weeks ago, he could barely stand long enough to nurse. Now his cream and gold coat flashes in the sun as he trots awkwardly across the pasture on gangly legs, ears pricked, fluffy blond tail held high as if he owns the place. His mother barely bothers lifting her head from the grass.

Despite everything, I smile. “You got confident fast.”

Trouble reaches the fence and noses at the hand I hold out to him. I manage to get in a few pats before he gets bored and trots off to investigate something more interesting.