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When I turn and look at him, he looks…defeated.

“I get what you’re saying,” he says. “And I don’t take it asyou bullying me. But you know how it felt when you were with Workin’ for Laughs, and they wereunderutilizing you, right? You were afraid to stand up for yourself because youwere worried about the possibility of them letting you go. It’s a little likethat for me. I’m afraid that if I let them underutilize me, my career will beover.”

Oh.

“I’ve had to overcome so much in my career. No one believedin me. Every day, I fought for respect. I fought to prove everyone wrong.”

“I get that, and you should be proud of everything you’veaccomplished. Every single one of those people who wrote you off or didn’tbelieve in you had to eat their words after you won a second World Series. Notmany players can say they did that, Christian. You don’t need to keep provingyourself.”

But he’s shaking his head. “That’s never going to end. If Ifail? If I don’t go out there with my team, you don’t think all those samepeople will say how they knew I couldn’t keep it up?”

“Christian, come on. Where does it end?”

“How can I go from being the World Series MVP to the guysitting on the bench all season? The fans will pity me, my teammates will bedisappointed, and the naysayers will get the last laugh. I can’t do it, EllaRose. I just can’t.”

I sit back down and snuggle close, resting my head on hisshoulder. “I wish I had the answers, Christian. I really do. There’s no way toplease everyone. It’s not possible. It’s your body. Your life. Not theirs.”

“I don’t know if I see it that way. I’ve been given a gift.A talent. Just like you have. Would you be able to walk away at the height ofyour career? If you won an Emmy or an Oscar, are you telling me you’d be okaywith giving it all up?”

“It’s not the same thing. If I were sick or injured,then…yes. If I couldn’t physically do my job to the best of my ability, then Ithink I’d accept it and walk away.” I pause before I add, “With dignity.” Butthose two words seem wrong to throw out there.

He looks at me, his smile sad. “It’s easy to say that whenyou’re not the one facing the decision. My whole life, I’ve been raised to notbe a quitter. Lucases never quit. And that now meansme and you. You are a Lucas now, Ella Rose…and I wouldn’t expect youto quit.”

We look into each other’s eyes, and I can tell he meansthat.

“And look at all the sponsorship deals I made after beingnamed MVP? I’d be a joke if the guy on the cereal box went from running thebases and hitting home runs to sitting in the dugout.”

“Pushing your body until it breaks doesn’t make you a hero,Christian. Wouldn’t it be better to be the guy who was the MVP and knew whenhis body needed to heal rather than the guy who took too many risks and lost itall?”

We sit in silence for several long moments. When heresponds, it’s not what I expect.

“Honestly? I don’t know which is better. I just feel like Iwouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t give one hundred percent tothis. Even if it hurts.”

And the crazy part is, I get it because…

That’s how I feel about this relationship.

I see the first mockup of Ashla and can’t help butsqueal with pure joy. Sure, she’s an alien with orange skin, blue eyes, andwhite facial markings. And she has headtails insteadof hair. But she’s so beautiful, she takes my breath away.

She’s a far cry from any character I’ve ever played, but Ilove her so much already.

So much of my time is spent being in awe of this process. Ithink about how I thought they were done making more Galactic Warsstories. So, being here now, originating a brand-new character, makes me feellike I’ve won the lottery.

Plus, this role could allow me to leave a legacy like thewell-known characters before me. No one will remember me playing the punkrocker in a movie, or any of the characters I played on Workin'for Laughs, but this? This really could be my breakout role. Theone that finally has people knowing my name.

A lottery I can literally tell no one about.

The plan is to record the entire first season before anyannouncements are made. I’m very lucky that I have understanding family andfriends. Jen’s made a game of asking me vague questions, hoping to get me togive her even a tiny bit of information, but it never works. She and herboyfriend are huge Galactic Wars fans, so I know she’s excited for me,but she’d be even more excited if I gave her the scoop.

Gah! I’m so frustrated yet giddy at the same time.

Which pretty much sums up my life at the moment.

When I’m in LA and working on The Echo Wars, everyday is filled with nothing but positive energy. Everyone working on the seriesis psyched to be a part of it, and since we can’t share what’s going on withanyone outside of the studio, we’ve become like a little family.

Or a really cool and exclusive club.

But when I’m back in St. Louis, I have a lot of anxietyand…well…frustration. I’ve done everything but tie Christian to a chair toprevent him from going to the stadium, but nothing’s worked. He’s stillplaying, still in pain, and every day when he leaves the apartment, he comeshome moving a little slower and wincing a lot more.