Page 59 of Lucky 22

It means a balancing act that will leave me feeling like I’mfailing and letting everyone down.

Internally, I’m having a complete meltdown, but whenChristian looks at me—his eyes shining with hope—and asks, “What do you think,Ella Rose?”

What do I think? What do I think?

My inner voice screeches in near hysteria at his question.There are dozens of comebacks on the tip of my tongue just begging to be said:

I think I hate this.

I don’t think it’s fair.

I think I deserve something to go my way.

I think you need to find a team that doesn’t disrupt ourentire lives.

I let out a quiet breath as my raging thoughts settle. He’sstill looking at me with the same expression—all hope and love. And in thatmoment, I know I would follow this man anywhere in the world. And if our roleswere reversed, I know he’d do it for me, too.

“I think it’s too good a deal to pass up,” I say withcomplete honesty. I smile, and I’m genuinely happy for him. He deserves acontract like St. Louis is offering him. And after the way the Magic crushedhis spirit, I’m glad the Archers see his potential.

If only it was the Magic going to St. Louis and the Archerscoming to Anaheim.

“Are you sure?” he asks, breaking into my thoughts. “Thiswill be a big change for us. And this move isn’t just about me. It will affectyou, as well. This last year and a half that we’ve been together, we’ve beenhappily settled in Southern California. It was convenient for both of ourcareers. And now, I’m turning everything upside down.”

The fact that he sees it cushions the blow a little.

Swallowing hard, I nod. “I know. I was looking forward tonot having to do the long-distance thing any more than we have to, but…”

“I know you have your career, too. You’ve worked so hard toget where you are, and I would never ask you to give it up. I just need to knowthat you’re okay with this.”

I love that he’s asking, and that he respects my opinion andmy career.

Just like I know and respect that this is something he hasto do.

“It’s a tremendous opportunity for you. You’ve worked sohard to get where you are, and I will follow you wherever you go. We’ll make itwork.”

Because we are one. We’re a team.

I could whine a little and maybe get some of the frustrationoff my chest, but it’s not necessary. My life has been a series of crazyschedules and inconveniences while following my dream. What makes this anydifferent?

So, I say the only thing I can.

“Let’s book our flights to St. Louis and see our new homefor at least the next three years.”

We have a very subdued Christmas with the Lucases, and his dad officially gets on the transplantlist. I tried to tell Christian that we didn’t need to go and see my family. Icalled and let them know what was going on, but he insisted because he couldtell I needed it.

And I did.

I do.

The first chance she has, my mom takes me by the hand andsits me down in my old bedroom.

Far away from the rest of the family.

And Christian.

“You have a very expressive face, Ella,” she says. “Ialready know about Christian’s dad, and I know that’s very upsetting, but I cantell something else is wrong. Your father noticed it too, so…out with it.”

I don’t even pretend that I don’t know what she’s talkingabout and blurt out the whole thing about the Magic not re-signing Christian,all the offers he received, and the one he accepted.