Page 75 of Lucky 22

I don’t want to be happy about it, but I am.

“I’m sure they’ll all bounce back,” I murmur.

“And so will you.” She pauses. “So? How long do I have youfor? Do you need to rush back to St. Louis?”

“No.” It’s out of my mouth, and I gasp with shock. “I mean…Ican stay if you need me.”

“Mm-hmm…”

“What? Why are you making it sound like…?”

“Like what?” she says coyly.

The last thing I want is for anyone to speculate about mypersonal life. Tracy and I have known each other for years, so I don’t have aproblem speaking frankly with her.

“Look, Christian is having an amazing season, and it’sreally important for me to balance everything. Being there for Christian, beingan actress, managing our lives. I’m going to make it all work. Just let me knowwhen I need to be in LA, and I’ll be here.”

And that is the absolute truth.

“But…?”

My shoulders sag. “But I’m going a little crazy, okay?Like…I know getting fired from Workin’for Laughs was truly a blessing, but That’s So High School isending, and I’m feeling a little lost.”

“And I totally get that, and we’re working on stuff foryou.” Another pause. “I just need to know that you’re okay and happy.”

I hesitate. “I’m…okay,” I finally say. “And I know I’ll behappier once I feel a little more settled in my career again.”

Luckily, she doesn’t push for more. I’m not about to burdenher with my tales of woe—about how I’m not close with any of the other WAGs,how quietly depressing Easter was, or how being a baseball wife isn’t nearly asglamorous as people think. Mostly, I don’t want to admit how lonely it’s been.

I’m not someone who likes to complain.

And I don’t want to.

That’s not the person I was raised to be.

I know I’ve been incredibly blessed. I’ve had opportunitiesthat many others haven’t. So, if being a little lonely—or a lot—is what I haveto deal with right now, I should be able to handle it. Plus, I know it’stemporary. I only have to get through the season.

And the next.

And the one after that.

There’s no retirement strategy for athletes. You play untilyou can’t. In the grand scheme of life, the period of time that an athlete canplay in the major leagues is short. It’s a moment in time that won’t lastforever.

But if I could have an acting role during baseball season,I’d probably feel a lot better than I do right now.

Ugh, I sound so ungrateful.

“Come by the office, Ella,” Tracy says, interrupting mythoughts. “We’ll talk strategy to get you out there more.”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to clarify that I am a veryhappy person who doesn’t need to be coddled, but I don’t.

Right now, maybe a little coddling would be a good thing.

I land a few single-episode roles and read for amajor motion picture while in LA. Spending time with Jen, Penny, Freya, andWill feeds my soul in a way I can’t even describe. I had hoped to hear aboutthe Galactic Wars role before heading back to St. Louis, but I don’t.

“Don’t fret about it,” Tracy tells me. I’m on my way to theairport and just touching base with her one last time before I go. “I’ve beenin contact with them, and they’re still auditioning people.”

I don’t take that as a good sign.