Page 186 of Power Play

Chicago had given us enough time to stop bleeding on each other. It hadn’t given us enough time to figure out whether the wound was actually closing.

By the time I turned onto my street, I had replayed that argument enough times to know exactly which sentences still pissed me off and which ones scared the shit out of me. My phone had been sitting in the cup holder for the last twenty minutes with our latest messages on the screen.

Ryan: I made it home.

Her answer had come fast.

Charm: Oh really.

That was all she gave me. Two simple words that shouldn’t have made me spend the rest of the drive wondering whether she sounded distant or normal, whether she wanted to see me or was giving me space. I didn’t know if I was about to spend another fucking night staring at my phone like an idiot while pretending four games and six days away from her hadn’t changed something in me I didn’t know how to change back.

I turned into the apartment lot and saw her before my headlights finished crossing the building.

Charm sat on the top step outside my door, and for a second, I thought exhaustion was fucking with me. Then she lifted her head, and everything inside my chest stopped.

She wasn’t dressed for anything. There was no carefully chosen date outfit, perfect hair, or makeup I could see from the truck. She had on leggings, an oversized KFU sweatshirt, and sneakers. Her purse rested beside her on the concrete while both hands disappeared inside the sleeves she had pulled over her fingers.

She had been waiting for me.

I parked like shit and didn’t care. After killing the engine, I grabbed my duffel from the passenger seat and climbed out without taking my eyes off her.

Charm stood, and the sight of her hit me harder than any check I’d taken all week. I had spent six days missing her, and that was the part I hadn’t expected.

Wanting her physically had always been easy to understand. I had wanted her for too fucking long to pretend otherwise. I knew what it felt like to picture her beneath me when I was supposed to be sleeping. I knew what it felt like to watch her mouth move while she argued about literature and wonder how quickly I could make her forget the name of whatever dead writer had pissed her off.

That wasn’t what had destroyed me this week.

I missed talking to her. I missed her sending me some ridiculous thought at two in the morning because she knew I’d answer. I missed watching her straighten things when she got nervous and the little crease between her brows when she was thinking. I missed her laugh and hearing Ryan come out of her mouth in the million different ways she said it depending on whether she was amused, irritated, nervous, turned on, or trying to pretend I hadn’t seen straight through her.

Hockey had been the fixed point in my life for as long as I could remember. Women, sleep, comfort, school, and whatever else tried to compete for my attention had always fallen somewhere behind it without me having to think about the order. Now I was crossing a parking lot toward Charm sitting on my steps and realizing I’d spent nearly a week thinking about her when I should’ve been thinking about damn near anything else.

Charm looked down at me as I approached. “Hey. So, you really are home.”

My hand tightened around the strap of my bag. “I am.”

Her mouth shifted like she wanted to smile, but I couldn’t give her one yet. I was still trying to understand why she was sitting outside my apartment when I’d texted her only a few minutes before pulling in.

“You beat me here.”

“I know.”

“Then tell me why.”

She looked toward the parking lot for a second before meeting my eyes again. The answer mattered enough that I felt it before she spoke.

“I wanted you to see me.”

I climbed one step, and she swallowed.

“I didn’t want to send another text and tell you I missed you. I didn’t want to say I was trying or tell you I understood what you meant in Chicago.” Her hands emerged from her sleeves, and her fingers twisted together before she made herself stop. “I wanted you to pull in and see me sitting here waiting for you.”

I stared at her as her voice softened.

“I wanted you to know I was actively choosing you.”

The pressure in my chest turned vicious. “Charm.”

“I know we haven’t talked about it.”