Page 191 of Power Play

“I learned how to leave my body before I learned how to shave.”

The sentence stayed between us while the refrigerator hummed and the bottle sweated beneath my hand. I didn’t explain it because I didn’t need to. The only thing worse than the beatings was being fucked before I understood the difference between rape and consent.

Charm’s hand shook around mine as she shifted closer. “Can I touch you?”

That question almost fucking destroyed me.

I nodded, and the instant she caught it, she slid off her stool and stepped between my knees. Her arms went around my shoulders slowly, giving me time to stop her, but I let my forehead rest against her chest.

For several seconds, I couldn’t speak. She didn’t tell me she was sorry, that I had survived, or that I was strong. She simply held me, and somehow, that was harder to take.

I wrapped my arms around her waist. “At thirteen, I started leaving.”

Her fingers moved slowly through my hair. “You left the foster houses?”

“Yeah.”

“Where did you go?”

“Anywhere I could get to. Parks, laundromats, stairwells if the building stayed unlocked, and bus stations when I could get there.”

Her body tightened beneath my hands. “Ryan.”

“I got good at being invisible.” The words came easier when I wasn’t looking at her. “That’s what people don’t understand about being homeless. Everybody thinks danger looks obvious, like some guy jumping you in an alley and taking your wallet.”

Charm’s hand stilled in my hair.

“Sometimes it’s a group of older kids who notice you’ve been sleeping in the same place for three nights.” I closed my eyes. “Sometimes they want your shoes. Sometimes they want to know what you’ll let them do before you fight back.”

My jaw flexed against the memories.

“I fought back. Every single time, I fought those motherfuckers back. I can still taste blood in some of those memories. I can still remember the concrete beneath my palms, a boot against my ribs, and laughing because showing fear made some people enjoy themselves more.”

I leaned back far enough to look up at her, forcing a taunting smile onto my mouth. “I got my ass kicked a lot.”

Charm’s voice broke slightly. “How bad?”

“Bad enough.” I lifted my eyes to hers and found her looking wrecked. Touching her cheek, I forced my voice to steady. “Don’t imagine every scar.”

“I already am.”

“Then imagine me hitting them back.”

A wet laugh escaped her. “Did you?”

“Every fucking time I could, mi hada. I never went down gently, even when I was outnumbered or outweighed. Era un pendejo bien peleonero.” I looked at her and gave a rough laugh. “I was a scrappy little asshole.”

“That sounds more like you.”

“Yeah.” I brushed the tear from beneath her eye. “I got mean.”

“You got alive.”

Her words hit me hard enough to stop everything inside me.

Charm looked straight at me. “You got alive, Ryan.”

Something burned behind my eyes, and I had to look away. “Don’t do that.”