Page 320 of Power Play

“You had to be.”

“Yeah, well I hate him.”

“El Cuchillo?”

I nodded.

Briggs looked toward the empty stands. “Being that guy kept you alive before.”

“That version of me is cold and relentless. I destroy everything before it can destroy me.”

“Sometimes that’s the same thing.”

The truth stayed between us as I lowered myself onto the ice beside him. My back struck the boards, and my legs stretched in front of me, skates cutting shallow grooves into the surface.

Briggs sat at my side with blood drying near the corner of his mouth.

Neither of us spoke for several minutes. The tears slowed, but the pain remained and spread through every place anger had kept numb.

“I bought her books.”

Briggs turned his head.

I kept staring across the rink. “For the cabin.”

“What kind?”

“Poetry. A first edition she wouldn’t buy for herself because she said the price was stupid. A leather notebook with her name embossed inside.”

Briggs lowered his gaze.

“I ordered pens from France because she liked the way one of mine wrote.”

“Ryan, you bougie fucker.”

“I booked two cabins for five days. Ten fucking grand. Indoor pool, game room, two hot tubs, a private Jacuzzi off the master suite, a gourmet kitchen, and enough rooms for everybody.” My throat tightened again. “I spent hours looking at every picture because I wanted the room to be perfect for her.”

Briggs rubbed his thumb over the tape wrapped around his stick.

“She was afraid cabin meant old mattresses and sleeping bags.” I pressed the back of my head against the glass. “I was giving her snow outside the windows and coffee in bed. I wanted to lock the door and ignore everybody until noon.”

“Fuck.”

“I made a home for her inside an apartment in Kimball with a water stain on the ceiling.” The admission broke something open again, quieter this time.

I covered my eyes with one hand. “I made room for her everywhere, Briggs.”

His shoulder pressed against mine.

“My apartment, schedule, and fucking future had room for her. I turned down women without thinking about it. I bought food I didn’t eat because she liked it. I kept a blanket on the couch because she was always cold. I learned the difference between every stupid product in my bathroom so I wouldn’t use something that cost more than my first car.”

Briggs released a breath that might have become a laugh on any other night. Tonight, it died between us.

“I built my life around someone who couldn’t call me her man when I needed her to.”

“You built it around the woman you believed she was.”

“I knew who she was.”