Page 409 of Power Play

“Standing here and offering to let me punish you so I won’t leave.” I finally turned around. “That isn’t fucking love, Charm.”

“I don’t know what else to do!”

“You say goodbye.”

“No.”

“Say it.”

“Fuck you.”

Her hand struck my cheek again. I absorbed the blow, and then she hit me once more.

“Fuck you for doing this,” she cried. “Fuck you for deciding I’m not worth fighting for anymore. Fuck you for looking me in the face and telling me you love me while you throw me away.”

“I’m not throwing you away.”

“What the fuck do you call this?”

“Knowing when love isn’t enough.”

“It is enough!”

“It wasn’t when I needed it!”

The words hit hard enough to fold her inward. She straightened and struck me again.

“I was afraid!”

“I know.”

“I was trying to survive him!”

I nodded because no answer would penetrate the desperation inside her plea.

“I didn’t know how to choose you without losing everything!”

“I know.”

“Then why can’t you forgive me?”

I still saw the floor every time I closed my eyes. The worst part of me had spent every second since sharpening that moment until it could cut through every good thing that came before it. Loving her had never made me less afraid of what she could do to me.

I swallowed the thoughts hard enough to hurt.

“I meant what I said.” My voice cracked, and I hated the broken sound of it. “I know what walking away costs me.”

She shook her head harder. “You can’t.”

“I already have.”

“No, you haven’t. You’re standing right here.”

“I’m leaving for home tonight.”

The words stopped her. Her hand fell from my chest.

“Tonight?”