Page 24 of Pretty

Although the weather was turning a little warmer during the day, the evenings were still a bit cool. I draped a wrap around my shoulders to ward off the chill. Lately, my thoughts had been straying toward Cassius less and less.

Spending time with Drew had made me miss having a partner to share my life with. I wanted to move forward, but I wasn’t sure what I wanted from Drew—what he had to offer me or vice versa. My life had been built in this house with Cassius, and I was working hard to let all of those memories go. I prayed that my desire to be with Drew wasn’t driven by trying to purge Cassius from my heart and mind, because the last thing I wanted was to hurt Drew trying to replace my late husband’s memory.

“Knock, knock.”

The voice sounded from over my fence door to the right and jerked my attention away from my painting and solemn thoughts. I stood and cautiously moved toward the edge of the deck.

When I reached the third and final step of the deck, I saw Drew clearly. It was as if I had conjured him with my thoughts. It was always like that, though. Whenever I thought about him, within minutes, I would hear him working in his yard or coming or going in his car.

“Hi, there,” I greeted with a tight smile. I had been trying to take a few days away from seeing him just so that I could clear my heart and thoughts.

“Bonjour.”

I laughed at his rudimentary French. “Someone’s been brushing up on their French.”

Drew laughed in return. “Not quite,” he replied as he stepped inside of my yard when I pulled the fence door open. “That’s one of those words I think even two-year-old kids know.”

For some reason, I wasn’t bothered by his intrusion. I did want to return to my painting, but it was okay for the moment.

“Then there’s that. How can I help you, Drew?”

He waved the screwdriver. “I was just returning your property.”

“Oh, thanks. I’d forgotten about that.” I accepted the screwdriver from his outstretched hand. I really had forgotten about it.

“Figured I'd hold onto it for a while. Use it as my excuse to drop by if you start pushing me away.”

“Really? Well, like I said, I forgot about it.”

“You would be remembering it soon enough. I’m certain you’d recall it as soon as you needed it.”

“Can’t say I’m too handy with those. I call my handyman to complete any tasks that require one of these, or anything that resembles it.”

He looked skeptical. “Even to tighten a loose screw on a doorknob or a light switch?”

“Yep, even that.” I laughed lightly.

Drew scratched the back of his head. “Well, if there’s anything that you need at all, just call across the yard. I don’t mind helping you out.”

“No. I wouldn’t want to distract you from whatever you’ve got going on.”

“It would be no problem, Pretty. I’m not that nightmare neighbor you might fear moving in next door. Are you okay?” he asked, eyeing me closely.

“I’m just trying to breathe right now. I have decisions to make about my life, and I don’t know where they’re going to lead me,” I confessed, surprising both him and me that I was opening to him the way that I was.

“Change can be a good thing, but a lot of people struggle with it. I’m guessing you’re that person.”

“Change has never been an issue until, well . . . until a few years ago.”

“Are you thinking of moving?” His perception didn’t surprise me; Drew seemed to be a very insightful person.

“I mean, the thought has crossed my mind a few times. I’ve thought about packing up and leaving everything behind. My entire life as I knew it has changed in the last few years. I don’t know if that’s for better or worse, but it has changed. I sat back and allowed fear to box me in.”

“What brought that realization on?”

“Meeting you. It’s shaken up everything that I believed, and I’m not sure if I like that. I miss what was, and letting go feels like giving up who I am.”

“Sounds like you’re not sure you’re ready to let go of your past.”