Page 30 of Pretty

I was thankful that he didn’t say “I’m sorry” or the things that people usually said when they learned my husband died.

“I’m angry. I woke up this morning, and that was the first memory I had. Yesterday, I’d hoped that having fun with you and your family would make today easier to accept.”

“I wish that I’d known you were dealing with that. Running from the memories can’t make it easier.”

“It’s not the memories that I’m trying to outrun but the anger.”

“Tell me about him.”

I smiled at his kindness, surprised that he was willing to listen to me talk about another man. I knew that Drew wanted more, and I wanted more from him. Grief, hurt, and anger was what kept me from giving him more because I was afraid of hurting him.

He listened to every detail and asked questions at the appropriate time. When I finished, he just held my hand and sat in silence for a while. We stared out into the backyard at the beautiful flowers on the trees in my yard.

“I’m sorry he hurt you like that. Maybe that’s why it’s hard for you to let go. You were never able to confront his betrayal. Have you spoken with her?”

“No. Not since the day I called her. We have nothing to talk about. She’s as dead to me as he is.”

“Damn. That’s just cold what they did. On the other hand, I’m grateful you found out and didn’t spend the rest of your life in the dark.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“True love will heal your heart in time.”

I rolled my eyes and sat silent for a long time. After a while, I asked, “What’s your private pain?”

He screwed his face up and dropped his head. His elbows rested on his knees. When he finally looked up, it wasn’t at me. Drew stared off into the yard as though he were looking into his past. His voice when he spoke was thick with emotion as though he hadn’t confronted his grief, as if the memories and the pain were still fresh. I knew what that felt like.

“Since I could walk, I’ve always had a football in my hand. It was no secret what I would grow up to be. Coach taught me to always protect myself in every form: physically, mentally, sexually, spiritually, and emotionally. Women weren’t to be trusted; that was the number one rule. I’m a retired NFL running back. I just retired this year after winning my final Super Bowl championship.”

Somehow, that didn’t surprise me. I wasn’t sure why he hadn’t told me, but I wasn’t in shock.

“I knew that something was up. Whenever we go places, if you don’t look like you’re trying to hide, then people are acknowledging you. It was giving married, but I knew that wasn’t true. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You were the first woman I met who had no idea who I was. I wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible so that you could get to know me, not the celebrity.”

“Did I pass the muster?” I asked, teasing him as I squeezed his knee.

“Hell yeah. You barely give my black ass the time of day, but I know that you like me.”

I winked at him and pinched my thumb and index finger together. “A little bit.”

We laughed.

“You seem to know a little something about anonymity, and you’re definitely holding your own when I think about the prices your paintings commanded in Naples. During my time in the league, women proved my dad right. Women wanted my baby, my name and a ring, the clout that came from being associated with me, or the doors I could open.

“I gave them none of that. If you hadn’t worked your ass off being by my side or couldn’t hold your own while you walked this road with me, then I had nothing for you. Women were interchangeable in my life and had nothing to offer but sex. I wasn’t trying to have their heart or anything else. Somehow, I managed to screw that up. I allowed one woman to become too familiar with me and my life. When I realized she had some issues going on, I tried to walk away, but it was too late. She told me she was pregnant.”

“You being the cool guy you are decided to stick around, I guess. Make no mistake about it: You might play the field, but you have a good heart. I can tell that right off, and it doesn’t matter what you got into as far as women were concerned. Some things you can’t hide or change.”

“Yeah, I guess. Either way, I decided it was time to slow down. I wanted to be there for her and my baby. I gave her my all, and she played in my face time and time again.”

“Did you consider it payback for how you treated women?”

“No. I never mistreated women. I had no problem taking them on dates and treating them to a nice time. The one thing no one can take away from me is that I was always upfront with them about my expectations and what they could expect from me. They could accept it or choose to walk. They accepted it.”

“We all have our choices to make.”

“Exactly. No matter the outcome, we have to stand in our decision at the end. Anyway, I was there through the entire pregnancy. When the baby was born, people expressed their doubts, but I didn’t get caught up. I stood by her side, even when my little guy turned four months, and she started moving differently. She was coming home late at night, ending phone calls when I walked in the room, and eventually not coming home until the next day. She’d claim she was with a friend. I brushed it off because I was there for my li’l man.