Page 71 of Dark Surrender

Lip twitching, Kali winks. “Maybe.”

Chuckling, I rub the soft feathers of my gift. Once I get a hook, I’ll hang it in my bedroom, right above my bed, where it belongs.

Cell enters the kitchen laden with pizzas. “It’s time to eat,” she sings, and we do.

Sitting on the kitchen floor, we eat directly from our boxes and talk about anything and everything. It’s another first for adult me. Sure, Dee and I spend time together, but she’s not much of a talker, and it’s never like this—carefree and full of laughter.

When Cell smears sauce across half her face with the back of her hand, Kali wads up a pile of napkins and throws them at her. The ball poofs open and rains individual off-white squares over the top of Cell’s pizza, and we bust a gut until we’re all crying.

After we finish and put away everything Kali brought, her husband texts her because he needs a ride home. My mind strays to Dark and why he left. Did I do or say something wrong? Will he come by tomorrow? Is he still with his father?

Keeping my thoughts to myself, I see Kali and Cell out. The sky is now a grayish black, with little specks of stars peeking through the thick cloud cover. We exchange quick one-armed hugs, and I wave goodbye to them from my stoop. Their taillights are long gone by the time I turn around and lock up for the night.

A soft smile and a lightened heart stay with me through my nightly lotion routine, all the way through me curling up on top of my floor mattress. I snuggle the pillow Kali brought under my cheek, and off to sleep I drift… safe and content.

Happy in my home.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Dark

With fingers threaded behind my head, I pace Iris’s front yard. It’s early. Too early to be here. I know I shouldn’t have come, but I tossed and turned all night, and I just need to be close. Even if that means stomping a path through her grass.

I heard through Pops that Kali and Cell came by last night to see her, and I wanna ask how it went. Hopefully, it wasn’t too awkward. If it was, I’ll apologize and somehow make it right. Then again, knowin’ Kali, I’m sure they’re best friends now. My ex has that effect on most people she meets.

Fuck.

I hope they like each other.

I hope she slept well her first night.

I hope she isn’t pissed I ran outta here yesterday like a little bitch.

I don’t do this…Like women. Not that I hate women. I don’t. I love them. What I mean is… Fuck… I’m messin’ this all up.

Let me start again.

I scrub a hand down my face and blow out a harsh breath.

Women have always happened to me.

Ugh.

No. That sounds even worse.

Rewind.

The first woman I ever loved, I loved a long goddamn time, even after I fucked things up. Even when I did jobs for the club that required me to bed other women. Or let them suck me off. Or finger them. Or in Pen’s case, marry them. You get the gist. There’s no reason to rehash that shit. Sure, the orgasms were nice, and the company wasn’t all that bad, but I wasn’t in it... emotionally. All this shit inside me was always Kali’s. I got good at faking love with other women, which wasn’t fair to them. Especially not to Abby, who accidentally got knocked up, which put us in a whole other fucking nightmare that ended my marriage and got me Lily, and all that shit you already know.

My point is… Women were there, not because I chose them. My job demanded it. Sure, that sounds like a cop-out, and maybe it is, but that’s how I’ve always viewed it. I had a part to play, money to make, people to impress, and I was damn good at it.

All the while, I had Kali. My wife. The mother of my sons. A good woman. A solid woman. She was there when I got home. She made me forget all the bad shit I’d done. The people I killed. The women I fucked. She was the balm to my soul.

Our relationship wasn’t fast and furious.

Sure, I thought she was cute all those years ago, and I still do. But our relationship wasn’t nerves and butterflies. It didn’t have me pacing her front yard.

Do you see where I’m goin’ with this?