Page 9 of The Beta Test

Chapter Five

I take a deep breath and glance away; the earrings I’d put on earlier sway with the motion. The message from this anonymous person could prove to be the perfect distraction, or more likely, another disappointment tonight. Braden stood me up for our first official phone date since he moved. It’s unthinkable. The earrings come off and get tossed back in the jewelry box, landing with a loud clink in the otherwise silent room.

The glossy papers pinned to the vision board reflect the blue light from my tablet—specifically, the photobooth pictures of Braden and me. Our smiling, carefree faces usually make me happy. I look back down at the tablet screen when the ping of a response sounds.

31415: Hey.

This distraction is off to a slow start, but it’s all I have to work with. Finding something else to do would take more energy than I have.

Ok, where to take this from here? My fingers drum against my thigh for a few seconds. Maybe I should let this person take the lead? Everyone at school has been on this thing all day, so it’s possible this person has already navigated this initial awkwardness more than once. Or should I ask some basic investigative questions to get the lay of the land? More information is always better.

80085 [Me]: Am I your first connection?

31415: Nah, got another one earlier.

31415: But I think you’re the one I’ve been waiting for.

Okaaaay. Two 'hey' messages and he's already decided I'm the one? This person is trying to be smooth… and failing. Like how a freshman guy would act trying to impress a girl for the first time. Since this is just for fun, it’s worth it to play along, at least for a while.

80085 [Me]: Oh yeah? Why is that?

31415: Because your handle says boobs.

I squint at the screen in the darkness. Did they really just say that?

80085 [Me]: Excuse me?

31415: It says 80085… you know, like how kids spell boobs on a calculator when you turn it upside down. Feels like fate to me.

Unbelievable. Here I am, thinking I’d find something—distraction, amusement—to take my mind off the reason my hair is perfect and no one, certainly not anyone with gorgeous brown eyes, will see it, but instead I get… this. This could be ignored. I definitely could, maybe even should, close this app and never open it again. Instead, I’m annoyed, and annoyance feels easier to lean into than sadness tonight.

80085 [Me]: And yours is the first five digits of pi. Maybe you’re unnaturally obsessed with math. Or perhaps you eat way too much pie, and the AI thinks you should cut back. See how easy it is to make things up?

31415: Feisty. I like it.

80085 [Me]: Contrary to what you might think, I’m not here for your entertainment. I couldn’t care less if you think I’m feisty or if you enjoy said feistiness.

Yes, that statement contradicts my continued participation. I choose not to dwell on that. This entire endeavor is for a distraction, and it’s working. I grab a random hair tie off my desk and throw my hair in a loose ponytail, then wander back over to climb into bed.

31415: Alright. Let me ask you a question then…

31415: I must warn you, it’s very important.

My eyebrows lift in anticipation. Mr. Pie must be waiting for dramatic effect, because the moments keep ticking by with no new message—unless he decided to ghost me. Maybe I’m a very ghostable person.

Not sure why he’s a “he” in my head. He sounds like one. I’m rolling with that for now.

31415: Twizzlers or Red Vines?

A scoff slips out. This is the big, meaningful connection promised during the assembly? This connection is about as deep as a sidewalk puddle. So far he’s offered elementary-level jokes and candy comparisons, and not even good candy like chocolate. My brain is taking mental notes about the very ‘constructive’ feedback I’m going to give at the end of this beta test.

80085 [Me]: Red vines, obviously. They are superior in taste, texture, aesthetics, and packaging.

31415: In aesthetics? How do you figure? They’re both red and twisty.

80085 [Me]: Twizzlers have an unnatural shine to them that is undesirable in one’s food.

31415: I see. So what about other foods that are shiny? For instance, M&Ms? Are those undesirable?