Page 57 of My Sunfall

“I’ll leave you both alone,” the lawyer adds, already moving toward the door and quietly clicking it shut.

I stare at the envelope, my fingers hovering just above it. This is the last thing he ever meant for me to have. I look up at Lily and she nods encouragingly. I take a steady breath and open it. Inside is a single folded sheet of paper where papà’s words are scrawled in his familiar handwriting. I lean toward Lily so she can read along:

Mi figlia,

If you read this letter, it means that I won’t be there anymore.

I am sorry for the last moments we had together, for not being the father you wanted or deserved. The truth is, the events, your mother’s death, it all weighed too much, and I was too weak to carry it alone. I turned to the bottle, and I am ashamed of the man I have become. But now I am lucid and I am working to become a better man, a father you and Lily deserve. A grandfather Dante deserves. I don’t know if I will ever be able to show you this man, but I am doing everything to be worthy of the daughter I hope to see again, and the family I’ve failed to protect.

But there is one thing I haven’t told you about—your mother made a deal she told no one about, and now you are the lamb to be sacrificed. She promised you to a man from the Chicago Outfit. I didn’t know until he approached me with the signed contract. I’ve researched him, and he is not a good man. Neither was I, but I will give you this last gift as a father—I will do everything in my power to keep the wolves at bay and let you live the life you choose. As long as I live, he won’t come near you, this is my vow to you. And if I die, God help us, I pray your guardian angel will keep him away from you.

I have never told you and Lily, but I love you both dearly. I know I don’t deserve your love or forgiveness, but I am believing that deep inside, you both loved me back just a little.

With lucidity and love,

Your papà.

Tears stream down my face as I read the last words, and when I look up at Lily who has been reading alongside me, she is not faring any better. We hug and let our grief sweep us away, sobbing uncontrollably and holding onto each other like a lifeline.

After what feels like hours, when our tears have dried and the grief doesn’t feel so painful anymore, Lily takes my hand and looks at the ring with a concerned frown.

“I know he shouldn’t have, but Dark told me about you and Lucas getting married, so today wasn’t a surprise…”

A wave of guilt engulfs me. I should have told her myself. “I am sorry Lee, I kinda…forgot. With everything happening it slipped my mind.”

She shakes her head with a smile. “Don’t worry I get it, and even though Dark didn’t give me details, I’ve got a picture of what happened.” She motions to the letter in my hands. “I won’t ask for details, but I can only guess that it’s linked to this. The only thing I want to know is if you are safe with Lucas.”

Her eyes bore into mine and all I can do is nod, throat constricting.

“Yes,” I croak out, “he is keeping me safe.”

“But?” Lily probes.

I look away. “No but, we’re married. That’s it.”

She takes my hands in hers and squeezes. “Are you all right? I mean, aside from Father’s passing.”

My mind blanks. Am I? A few months back, being married to Lucas would have left me in a state of elation. But now, I don’t know what to think anymore, the circumstances have changed, and it is clear that he married me to keep me from marrying a rival family. He sacrificed both our freedoms out of a misplaced sense of duty.

“I-I’ve got e-everything under control,” I stutter.

She looks at me with doubt. “If there is anything you need, remember, Dark is his boss. Let me know and I’ll help you, no matter what, no questions asked.”

I’m tearing up again and nod, thankful to have her.

“Lee, about the villa, if you want it, you can have it,” I say tentatively. “Or I’ll sell it and set up a trust fund for Dante with the money.”

Lily shakes her head with a sad smile. “No sis, I don’t want it. And Dante has more money than he will ever be able to spend in a lifetime.” She takes my hand and squeezes gently. “It’s yours, sell it or keep it, but do it for yourself. Something that will make you happy.”

I nod numbly, wondering what I will do with this empty shell full of sad memories.

When we walk out of the office, Lucas is waiting and as soon as I step out, his arms are wrapped around me, strong, commanding, and inevitable.

The ride back is less tense, and the silence helps me ground myself into the certainty that I need to become myself again. I’d let Lucas dictate me for a short time, but I’m picking the broken pieces of myself up again. I’ve got everything under control.

The car drives into the underground garage which seems to be stretching beneath the entire villa. The driver opens Lucas’ door, and steps away. My husband slides out and takes my hand to help me out of the car, and I can’t hide my inquisitive glances around.

“Let me give you a tour of your new home,” he rasps, lips grazing my knuckles.