Page 92 of Heart Of A Goon II

Every bad decision he wanted her to make, I was the one who was always there to stop her. She had to think of me before anything else, so he could never have her the way he had wanted.

The way he used to have her.

He rushed me, banking on me to lose my balance. When I didn’t, he was shocked, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to throw hands with me. I could hear my mother in the background as we fought like two strangers in the street.

Neither of us gave a damn about the other as we delivered blows. I felt someone yank me, and when I turned, I saw my mother with tears rolling down her face screaming. She wanted us to stop, and because I cared about her, I stopped to check on her. That gave my father the chance to deliver a blow so hard that it knocked the wind out of me.

The side of my face felt like it swelled up immediately, and my head felt hollow. I could hear my heartbeat inside my ears, as my visioned blurred.

“Stop it! Both of you!” Moms screamed, as she stood in front of my father, begging us to stop fighting.

“Teach his ass to stop thinking he fucking grown… get the fuck out my house!” he hollered.

I stood there, waiting for my mom to defend me. Waiting for her to tell him that she was leaving, and she didn’t. She couldn’t even look me in the eyes or say anything in response.

“Ma, I gotta leave?”

I needed to hear it from her mouth. “Nez, you tell him that he needs to leave… or I’m leaving,” he threatened again.

She was torn between her son and the drugs. I wasn’t foolish enough to think she loved my father. It was what he supplied that had her mind gone, and in a trance.

“Melle, go to your grandmother’s house… I’ll come there.”

“You not going nowhere… we ‘bout to feel good and then I’m gonna make you feel good.” He kissed her neck, as she looked at me with these bewildered eyes.

As if the soul had been snatched from her, and she was only a shell of who I used to know.

“You telling me to leave?”

I watched as he shoved his hands down the front of her pajamas shorts while I stood there. “Tell em, Nez… you wanna feel good, right?”

“Go, Ramelle! Please, I’m coming behind you, son.”

Tears welled in my eyes as I stared at my mother. “You promise?”

She never broke one of our promises. She broke promises to everyone else, but she never broke ours..

“I promise,” her voice croaked.

“Don’t pack shit that I bought, either,” my father said behind me, as I headed toward the front door. “You not going after him, right? You want me to make you feel good… we got a lot to make us feel good, too… Daddy hit a lick.” I could hear him behind me.

“No, not going nowhere… make me feel good, Rylan… please,” she begged him, and I shook my head, slamming the door behind me.

I shoved my hands in my pockets as I walked down the block towards my Gran’s house. It was a quick bus ride, but I didn’t have any money, so I was going to have to troop it. I was more hurt than anything.

She chose him over me and sent me on my way. He was relishing in knowing that he had her where he wanted her. He would get her high out of her mind for the next week, then he would leave her alone. That was when she’d call Ken and asked for money for food, or to pay something because he didn’t pay it before he left.

I hated how she used us.

“Yerrr,” I heard, and ignored it.

That could have been for anyone, since the block was live today. “Yerrr, I know you hear me. Lil’ Rylan,” I heard, and turned, annoyed that this nigga referred to me as my dad.

“That’s not my fucking name!” I hollered back and continued to walk.

I could hear laughing. “I don’t give a fuck what your name is… where your father?”

“Home,” I tossed over my shoulder.