Page 80 of Love Everlasting

“Well, I think it’s sweet and very smart, but then we already know Sam is a genius because he’s in love with you.”

Ridges buckled Shannon’s brow as she slumped back in her chair. “I sure hope so,” she whispered, “because I sure am with him, and to be honest, I never thought I could feel this way again or ever trust another man.”

“Oh, get real, sis.” Cat settled back, palms flat on the wide arms of her chair. “Anybody with eyes in their head can see how gaga Sam Cunningham is over you, so as far as I’m concerned, you’re home free.”

“Maybe not,” she whispered, the roiling in her stomach starting to rival the roll of the river.

“What do you mean?” Lacey studied her with a sober gaze, as if she already knew what was coming.

“I mean, I never told Sam the whole truth about Eric,” she said quietly, wishing a hundred times over that she had.

“What?” Cat sat straight up once again, mouth gaping.

Shannon shook her head, understanding her sister’s shock perfectly. She and Sam were best friends, confiding in each other about almost everything. But fear had kept her from revealing her most debilitating secret, something that no one in her life knew but her family. Because the shame was still too deep, and Sam’s faith had been too shallow, hinging so precariously on the very morality that Shannon espoused. And yet, here they were in a relationship that might be heading toward something more, and the guilt was eating her raw. Because if Sam and she were getting serious, this was something he needed to know.

She blinked hard to thwart a sudden sheen in her eyes. “When we were just friends, I couldn’t tell him, Cat, not only because I was ashamed, but because he always made such a big deal about my so-called wisdom and morality, saying that was the biggest reason he trusted me like he did.” Her gaze trailed out to the water, the river dark and ominous as the moon crept behind a threatening billow of clouds. “So when we started dating, I knew I needed to tell him, but every time I got up the nerve, it seemed like something derailed it. Then at Mom and Ben’s wedding, I sensed things might be moving more quickly between us, so I tried to tell him that night, insisting I had something painful he needed to know about my past. But he just shook it off, saying that he did too, but it could wait because he didn’t want to spoil the moment.”

Her eyelids flickered closed, the weight of her guilt prompting a fresh wash of tears. “So I didn’t push it, rationalizing that we’d just started dating and I would tell him if we got more serious.” A muscle convulsed in her throat. “But now I’m worried we have and Sam still doesn’t know. And to be honest, I’m worried sick that it will ruin everything.”

“Oh, honey.” Lacey squatted in front of Shannon’s chair to hug her, the tenderness in her voice helping to ease Shannon’s fear. “If Sam truly loves you—and I suspect he does—this may come as a shock, yes, but it won’t change what you have.” She paused several seconds, her silence heavy with conviction. “But you have to tell him soon, Shan,” she said softly, “whether he wants to hear it or not.”

“I know.” Shannon’s hand quivered as she brushed the moisture from her eyes. “So I guess I’ll tell him Saturday night, then, although I don’t know if he’ll want to see me anymore after I do.”

“Stop it!” Cat jumped up to grip Shannon’s arms, bending to peer into her sister’s eyes. “The guy loves you, Shan, anybody can see that, so I doubt he’s going anywhere.”

“And more importantly,” Lacey said quietly, “God loves you and redeemed you, my friend, just like He redeemed me from all the horrible mistakes I made before I came back to Isle of Hope.”

“And, man, were there some doozies!” Cat gave a sober nod, earning a thin smile from Lacey before her sister-in-law turned back to Shannon.

“Besides,” Lacey continued, “it’s not like Sam was a Boy Scout before you stirred his faith, so if anybody should understand, it should be Dr. Love.” She gave Shannon’s hand a pat. “So don’t you worry, sweetie. We’ll just pray about it right now, and everything will work out, you’ll see.”

Tears blurred in Shannon’s eyes as she gripped Lacey’s hand, craving her assurance. “You really think so, Lace?” she whispered, the barest trace of tremble in her tone.

“Nope.” Lacey stood to her feet, her stance strong like a woman whose faith had been through the fire and back. “I know so, Shan, because we serve the very God Who created hope for moments like this.” Her eyes brimmed with moisture, just like Shannon’s. “And God’s hope, my sweet friend, never disappoints.” She reached to give Shannon a tight hug that coaxed even more tears from her eyes. “And neither does God.”

Chapter Forty-Three

Shannon glanced at the clock, then stared at the ceiling of her bedroom, wondering if she would even fall asleep tonight. It was well past two in the morning, but the conversation with Cat and Lacey had heightened her awareness to the fact that she was desperately in love with Sam Cunningham—or Dr. Love to the Memorial nurses, she reminded herself—and needed to tell him the truth. Which meant she was also incredibly vulnerable to being crushed a second time.

Her eyelids lumbered closed like they were made of lead, but not before a pool of tears brimmed, alerting her to the fact that this gnawing indigestion in her gut had flared into full-blown nausea. Because frankly, she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to go through it again …

When you are weak, I am strong …

The sweet whisper of God’s Word opened her eyes once more, but this time it was to the hope that she was no longer alone in the battle.

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

“Thank you,” she said softly, so very grateful for God. He had fought for her with Eric—for her very life as well as her soul—and she had no doubt that the strength seeping into her bones right now was His, not hers. More tears pricked, but these were tears of joy over a God Who had called her out of the darkness into His marvelous light. She had been on the brink of death in so many ways, but God had shown her through the pain that she—Shannon Terese O’Bryen, the shy and quiet twin that nobody noticed—was His “very own possession,” no matter how far she had strayed from His hand.

And, oh, how she had! She’d been raised on a solid faith and yet, just like her father, she had fallen, exchanging the love of God for the love of man, a human frailty of epidemic proportion. But even that God had turned around for good when He’d brought her to the pinnacle of faith, revealing to her soul the only truth she could really cling to … and the only truth that really mattered.

I am God, and there is no other …

“My soul finds rest in God alone,” she quoted softly, and knew to the core of her being that it was true. She’d already proven she couldn’t rest in her own strength or goodness because it had failed her so miserably before. As much as she loved her family and friends, they could not provide the true rest she craved for her soul. And even if Sam did love her with the everlasting love for which she so longed, it would never still her, steady her, save her like the unfailing love of God.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with loving-kindness. Again I will build you up, and you will be rebuilt.”

Rebuilt.