Page 91 of A Whim and a Prayer

Chapter Sixty-Two

Winnie froze in her mother’s arms, sleet rushing through her veins as her body jolted completely awake. What did she say? She jerked back to stare with mouth agape. “What do you mean, the same thing happened to you?”

Her mother reached to brush more curls away from Winnie’s face with a sad smile. “I mean, sweetheart, that like you, I was violated by a man in Dublin before I dated your father, and not just once, but twice.” She gave Winnie’s hand a gentle squeeze. “So you see, Winnie, I know exactly what you’re going through.”

A flash flood of tears instantly struck, blurring her mother’s image into a million lights that pierced the darkness in her soul, connecting them stronger than any umbilical cord ever could. Tears streamed her cheeks as she clutched her mother’s hand to her chest with a grief that surpassed her own. “Oh, Mama … I am so sorry … so very sorry …” At her words, water instantly welled in her mother’s eyes, and in that exact moment, Winnie felt a kinship so powerful and strong that she lunged to crush her mother in her arms with a fierce love she didn’t even know she possessed. “Mama, I love you,” she whispered, “and I have never felt closer to you.”

Her mother pulled away to cradle Winnie’s face in her hands, their tear-stained faces a mirror reflection of each other. “And I love you, Winnie—with my whole heart and soul—and have from the moment I first saw you with a ring of stolen chocolate around your mouth.” She gave Winnie a quick hug. “You were meant to be mine, sweetheart, forever and always.”

“Mama?” Winnie peered up beneath spiky lashes, the ache of her own experience greatly minimized in the face of her mother’s. “Did he … did he hurt you?”

Her mother gently drew Winnie back against the headboard, hooking her close once more. “Yes, Winnie, he did—the first time so badly that my grandmother begged your father to escort me back to Boston via ship since I had a broken arm and leg and couldn’t walk.”

“Oh, Mama …”

“But thank God a policeman intervened before he could do any more than that.” Her mother’s gaze wandered off into the distance once more. “Unfortunately, I wasn’t so lucky the second time … But,” she said quickly, snapping out of her reverie from the past, “God spared me the pain and disgrace of a pregnancy, so I am believing the same thing for you, Winnie.”

“Goodness, Mama”—Winnie fought off a shiver as she snuggled closer to her mother—“I never knew we had so much in common.”

“I know,” her mother said with a quick hug.

Winnie glanced up. “How on earth did you get through it all?”

“Well, that brings up something else we have in common, sweetheart …”

“Uh-oh,” Winnie said with a playful scrunch of shoulders, “I’m almost afraid to ask.”

A tease laced her mother’s tone. “Well, if you aren’t—you will be because the only way I was able to cope and get past it all was”—she paused for effect—“turning my life over to God.”

Winnie’s long, drawn-out groan prompted a chuckle from her mother’s lips as she gave Winnie a quick hug. “See? I told you we had that in common, darling, because at your age, I didn’t have much use for God either, not even after the first assault—I was that hard-headed. But the second time …”

Her mother’s voice faded into a desolate whisper, as if she were reliving the horror of that awful moment in her life. “... it was as if I had been stripped of everything that had ever mattered—my confidence, my womanhood, my hope—and all that was left was shame, fear, and guilt.”

Winnie couldn’t stop the shiver this time, her own shame and guilt heavy upon her soul. Her mother instantly tightened her hold as she continued, her words low and heavy with regret. “I felt dirty inside, like something was wrong with me. Like I should have fought harder or I shouldn’t have been there at all. That it was all my fault despite the fact that he was the assailant and I was the victim who’d fought him tooth and nail. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t escape those awful feelings, Winnie … not until I finally turned to the One who lifted them from my shoulders to His, nailing them to the cross once and for all.”

Tears burned beneath Winnie’s lids. “But, Mama, I don’t know how to do that, or even where to begin …”

“I didn’t either, sweetheart, until your Uncle Brady showed me how. You see, we were good friends at that time, before he and Aunt Lizzie even dated, and trust me, the man doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to living for God.”

“So, what’d he say?” Winnie asked, her curiosity piqued despite her disdain for the subject.

“Well, prior to all of this, he’d taught me to pray and read the Bible, of course, but I hadn’t really taken it seriously, you know? I was just going through the motions”—Winnie jumped when her mother gave her a pinch—“kind of like you, young lady, when you go to church with Julia, Daddy, and me.” The tease in her voice faded considerably. “But after the assault, Brady called me on it. Said even though I prayed and read the Bible, I wasn’t fooling anybody, least of all God, because I had never really invited Him in.”

Winnie squinted up at her. “What on earth does that mean?”

Her mother’s smile was tender. “It meant that I had never really given my life to God, darling. Oh, I danced around it plenty, Brady said, but I had never really made a decision to live for God instead of myself. You know, no more doing things my way, out of selfish motivation? Brady flat-out told me that if I wanted God’s blessings in my life, I had to obey Him. ‘Deuteronomy 30 in the flesh,’ he called it, ‘choosing life instead of death,’ or in simple terms, choosing God’s way instead of the world’s.”

Another shudder rippled through Winnie. “Sounds pretty hard.”

“Oh, it is—if you try to do it on your own. But Brady said there was only one way any human being could ever hope to make an attempt at obeying God, and that was to make Him Lord of their life.”

Winnie tipped her head. “How?”

Her mother gave a lift of her shoulders. “‘Invite him in,’ Brady said, ‘Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God, to live in my heart and be the Savior of my soul.’ So I did, and you know what happened?”

The breath stilled in Winnie’s lungs. “What?” she whispered.

“I started doing things His way, not mine. I took it one step at a time, with God’s Word as a lamp unto my feet, looking to honor Him instead of myself in everything I said, thought, or did. It didn’t happen overnight for sure, but it did happen just like Brady said—I became ‘a new creature in Christ Jesus,’ who could finally say no to sin and yes to God.” Her mother paused to deliver a wide grin. “And you know what happened then?”