Page 18 of Choosing Scarlet

So I do the only thing that actually makes sense. I slide back into my life exactly as it was before Knox ever appeared in it. No drama or waiting around for answers that will never come. Just … returning to myself. And that starts with fixing at least one thing I let slip.

I pick up my phone and scroll through my client contacts, my thumb moving automatically. I don’t even pause when Knox’s name flashes by; I glide right past it, straight down to the letter X.

Xavier.

I tap his contact and open a new message. My fingers hover for a second, but only a second, before I start typing.

Me: Hey, Xavier. I’m feeling much better now. I appreciate your understanding. Maybe we could do that booking sometime next week?

I don’t let myself overthink it. I don’t give myself even a heartbeat to reconsider. Before doubt can creep in, I hit send, and just like that, there’s no taking it back.

“My fucking God …” The words drag out with a heavy moan as Xavier reaches his orgasm. His body trembles on top of mine, every muscle tense as he breathes heavily. I fall into my role, letting out a loud moan as well, one that he has heard a million times before.

Only he doesn’t suspect that it’s not the same as the others because I haven’t come. Not even close.

My nails dig into his back as I force a shudder, rolling my eyes back into my skull. This time, not even his hand around my throat, something that’s usually enough to toss me over the edge, has gotten the job right. I’m too much in my head, thinking about him during every single booking for the past two weeks.

Xavier couldn’t make it last week, so we ended up scheduling for this one instead.

Stupidly, somewhere in the middle of all that waiting, I kept hoping Knox would come to his senses and reach out through even a tiny message, a half-hearted attempt. A small, darker part of me even wished he’d try to book me again, so that I could decline and pretend I still had some kind of control. My whole world has been flipped upside down, and he walks around completely unaware.

“Scarlet?” Xavier’s voice cuts through my spinning thoughts. I blink, realizing I must’ve drifted far, far away.

“Sorry … what were you saying?” I ask as I roll onto my side to face him.

He studies me with a worried frown. “Are you okay? You haven’t really been yourself these past two bookings. I know I’m just a client, but if there’s anything you need …”

I wave my hand gently, brushing off the concern. It’s kind of him to offer, but this isn’t something he, or almost anyone else, can fix. There’s only one person who can, and for reasons I can’t explain, I have a sinking feeling he’s not coming back.

Darkness wraps around me the moment I unlock my apartment door. I push it open and reach for the light switch, filling the room with a soft, familiar glow. It’s strange. This place has always been my sanctuary. Ever since I moved in, it’s been the one space that’s never failed to calm me down. After long bookings, I loved coming home, slipping into a warm bath, and pouring myself a glass of wine so every muscle in my body could relax.

Not once have I felt lonely here. Until now.

A rational part of me tries to speak up, reminding me how silly I’m being. He’s just a client, someone I’ve only seen twice. Still, something about Knox hit differently. He didn’t just walk into my life; he somehow slipped under my skin. Now there’s this aching pull inside me and this ridiculous longing for him, and I hate every second of it.

I drop my keys into the little bowl by the door and reach into my purse for my phone, ready to clock out for the night. My mind feels far too tired to think about bookings, clients, or anything else work-related. Just as I open my screen, my phone buzzes with that familiar notification, the sound that signals another booking request. I sigh softly.

Okay, one last thing, and then I’m done for today, I tell myself.

The moment I look at the screen, though, my heart stumbles. It’s him. Knox.

He’s sent in a request, just for one evening this time. Immediately, the questions rush in.

Why? If last time wasn’t what he wanted, why come back? Why reach for me again?

I stare at his name on my screen, completely unsure whether I should be relieved, terrified, or hopeful. None of the options feels right.

My thoughts start spiraling so fast it’s hard to even form a clear sentence in my head. The back of my eyes burns in that too-familiar way that comes right before tears. I want to decline the booking. I really do. One tap of a button, and it would be done. But where would that leave me? What answers would that give me?

If he asked to see me again, then there has to be a reason, and if I’m ever going to understand what happened … this may be the only chance I’ll get. My stomach knots itself tightly, but in my heart, I already know my choice. Maybe I’m being foolish. Maybe I’m being reckless. But I don’t care. My selfishness takes over before logic even has a chance to argue.

Because I know, deep down, painfully and honestly … I have to see him again.

The elevator to his penthouse opens with a loud ding that echoes far too loudly in my chest. The last time I stepped out onto this floor, I left his home smiling and feeling something I’d never felt after a booking before. Now, as the doors slide open, all I feel is a twisting nervousness pulling tight in my stomach.

The moment I step out, Tim and Boa rush toward me. Their tails wag, and they wiggle between my legs, desperate for attention. Their excitement almost makes me laugh.

This time, there’s another little addition. Milly. She still looks cautious, her tiny body tense, but I can tell she’s starting to relax here. She takes a few slow, uncertain steps in my direction before stopping, as if unsure whether she’s brave enough to come closer.