Page 153 of In Somnis

And fuck, who am I kidding?

I want her too.

But not like this. Not while she’s glassy-eyed, pliant, and doesn’t even know the difference between dream and reality.

I need her lucid.

I need her choosing.

I need to know if she’d still look at me this way when she’s wide awake and could actually tell me to fuck off.

Because if she does, fuck. If she does, I’m done pretending.

“You want something from me?” I lean down, close enough to hold her attention, and let the lollipop rest against her lips. “Question it. Look at your hands. Count your fingers. Come find me.”

Her tongue darts out, chasing the sour edge.

I let out a slow breath through my nose, trying to steady the thunder under my skin.

“Not there yet? Then suck,” I command, and drag the lollipop slowly across her lower lip. Back and forth. Once. Twice.

She takes it in. Lips closing around it, tongue curling, that same soft, greedy hum vibrating through the stick and straight into my spine.

I am standing here watching Lennon make obscene little sounds around my goddamn lollipop while another man fucks her, and I am somehow still the most morally compromised person in this kitchen.

Nevan thrusts into her harder, and her eyes find his, which is somehow the last straw.

I need her lucid, and I need her eyes on mine.

Stepping up behind Shaw, I set one hand on his shoulder and ease him to the side, even though every instinct is screaming to yeet him through the nearest window again. Instead, I make sure he’s no longer buried to the hilt inside her.

He stands there, still hard, still glistening with her, wearing the vague, agreeable quality of a dream character who hasn’t been given instructions.

I’m making an effort. Progress.

Lennon whimpers at the sudden emptiness, hips twitching, chasing what’s gone.

“I know,” I say, trying for reassurance as I make my way back to her. “But he’s had his turn, and you’ve got to find me first.”

I let the lollipop trail down her throat and along her collarbone. She shivers, and I watch her skin prickle in the wake of it. Down the inside of her arm, to her wrist, and back up again.

I keep my hands to myself and tell myself that that part matters. She’s not lucid, and I won’t touch her with my hands until she is, until she knows it’s me and consents to me touching her. The lollipop is safer. Easier to keep controlled.

It’s also the only thing keeping me controlled right now.

“You’re so needy.” I keep my voice low, easy, like this isn’t costing me every scrap of restraint I have left. “Look at you. All that want and nowhere to put it.”

She squirms, thighs pressing together, then parting again like she can’t decide what she needs more.

“Greedy girl.” The lollipop traces the swell of her breast, circling lazily, but not touching where she wants it. “All this and you still want more. You’re insatiable, you know that?”

“Ridge.” She reaches for me again.

“Not yet.” I redirect her hand. “Find me first.”

The candy dips lower and leaves a glistening trail across the soft curve of her stomach. Her hips lift off the marble, chasing the contact.

“So pretty when you’re desperate,” I murmur. “So soft. You have no idea, do you, what you look like right now?”