Page 221 of In Somnis

“Guys,” Derek mutters.

Ridge chuckles. “Should we get you a nightlight?”

Derek smacks the back of Ridge’s head. “Knock it off.”

Ridge rubs the spot dramatically. “What? Can’t I joke a little with my former best friend?”

Derek sighs and answers him, but I barely hear any of the conversation that follows. The words are there, the familiar crackle of Ridge’s sarcasm and Paul’s cool replies, but they slide past me, while I’m unable to catch them.

Tessa had an episode.

Breathing.

Hospital.

Oxygen.

What the hell am I doing here?

I’ve been out here under fairy lights kissing people while she can’t breathe.

While she’s fighting for air, and I’m…

God. I’m such a terrible person.

I have done nothing, I have solved nothing, I have just been here accumulating people, complications, and⁠—

“Lemon.” Nevan steps up beside me, out of breath. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. I didn’t mean to make you run, please just⁠—”

“You kissed her?” Ridge and Paul ask in perfect unison. Both of them turn toward Nevan, and both of them start talking.

“You—”

“Why would⁠—”

The absurdity of it would almost be funny if I weren’t already halfway to breaking.

They’re both going again, overlapping, pointless, and territorial, and I stand in the middle of it, feeling a very quiet and very final sensation settle into place inside me.

None of them needs this.

Needs me.

They’ll be fine. They were fine before I got here, and they’ll find their way back to fine after. I complicated everything I touched, and the kindest thing I can do now is stop touching it and do the one thing I actually came to Vernonia to do.

Tessa needs me.

“I have to go,” I say, and nobody hears it.

Derek is the only one looking at me. I grab his sleeve and pull him aside while the argument keeps going behind us.

“Remember what we talked about,” I say quietly. “Go to her. Tell her you still love her and want her back. If that doesn’t work, have Ridge teach you about lucid dreaming and 5D. Tell her in her dreams. The beach I told you about.” I take a deep breath. “There’s a seaweed green journal in my apartment. It was Tessa’s. Read it. It’ll help.”

His expression shifts. “Ridge can actually⁠—”

“Get her back, Derek. Whatever it takes.”

Even if I can’t.