Page 29 of In Somnis

He sets the tray on the little side table between our chairs. “Your tea, ladies.”

The smell hits me immediately. Lemon honey, exactly how Tessa loves it.

My eyes sting as I reach out to grab it, enjoying the warmth on my fingertips. “Thank you.”

Simon gives me a polite, zero-personality smile. “If you don’t need anything else, I’ll be back in twenty minutes to collect your mug.” His eyes flick to Tessa’s untouched one, then he chuckles. “And the, uh… full one. Lights are on, nobody’s home, right?”

I stare at him.

Is he serious?

Is he actually serious?

Before I can decide whether to slap him with the tea tray or tell him to get lost, he’s already out the door, the click of it shutting way too cheerful.

“What an asshole,” I hiss at Tessa. “I should totally whoop his ass before I leave. Think I could take him? He’s tall, but I have rage and culinary trauma on my side.”

I swear the corner of her mouth twitches in the tiniest ghost of a reaction, and I freeze.

“Tessa…”

My shoulders slump after several long seconds of nothing. The leaves outside the window flutter as if they’re mocking me.

It was nothing, Lenny.

Just what you see when you see something you want badly enough, and I know that. I’ve had enough experience with it to recognize the mechanism. My father died, and for months afterward, I kept seeing men who walked like him, and my brain kept filing it before I could stop it, processing the silhouette and sending the signal before catching the error. This is probably that. Wishful thinking.

Except…

“It was real, even if it was a dream… right?” My voice comes out thin. “You asking me to come to you. It wasn’t just my brain missing you so hard it started… making you up.” I swallow. “These last twelve years, all those dreams, all those conversations with you that felt so real… was it just me? Losing my mind a little more every night?”

God.

“Please tell me I’m not crazy on top of everything else,” I murmur, then watch how Tessa’s eyes flick toward the bottom shelf of the bookcase, then back to the window.

The mug nearly slips out of my hands as I set it down, tea sloshing dangerously over the rim. I lean over her, trying to catch her gaze. “Did you just…”

She’s back to the blank stare from before, but I saw it. I know I did.

I follow the line her eyes took to the bottom shelf, the stacks of notebooks, and there—spine cracked, the exact shade of seaweed green I could pick out in a lineup—is the one she used to guard with her life. The journal she wouldn’t let me anywhere near in school, and she scribbled in for hours.

I look back at her. “Did you mean that?” I wait several long moments, but when she doesn’t change, I grab the journal, then step back and hold it up between us. “Blink if you want me to read this.”

I give her three seconds.

“Dammit, Tessa. Do you want me to invade your privacy? Yes or no?”

I know exactly how insane I’m acting, which apparently does nothing to stop me.

There’s a knock at the door again, and when the door slides open, I panic, shoving the journal behind my back, then down the waistband of my skirt, tugging my sweater over it.

“How are my girls doing?” Nora steps inside with a warm smile. “Just wanted to give a heads-up that the psychologist will be here any minute, but as I said, you’re welcome to stay, Lennon.”

“Thank you,” I force out, heart racing at my snap decision to become a thief. “But I think I’ll head out.”

I press a soft kiss to Tessa’s temple and whisper, “I’ll be back, okay?”

“Let me walk you out, then,” Nora reaches out a hand toward me, and I step out of the room with her.