Page 62 of Ex Somnis

“Your body is giving up, Tess. You have to wake up.”

She tilts her head. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not.”

“I can feel it. I know what you mean. What it felt like. In the in-between, my mind and my body were fighting each other the whole time. But now that we’re both here…” she touches her sternum, right over her heart, “… it stopped. I’m healthy.”

“Being stuck in elsewhere is not healthy.”

“We’re not stuck.” She smiles sadly. “We chose this. You chose this. You chose to be with me.”

Dread climbs up my throat, and I try to swallow it. “I know,” I say when I can speak again. “I know I did. But why am I the one who gives everything up for you? When do you choose me? Can’t you just choose to wake up for me? You tell me all the time how much we love each other, but right now, I am the only one proving it.”

“You think I didn’t try? You think if I could have, I wouldn’t have? Do you think I would have stayed where I was, knowing you were hurting? Knowing you lost everything? And I could have come to you, and I chose not to?” She stops and takes a few deep breaths. “You think I would have let you go through any of that alone if I’d had any choice at all?”

“Tessa.”

“I wanted to wake up! I wanted to come to you. Be there for you. But I couldn’t, beside visiting you in your dreams. I made a promise, and it kept me here. I couldn’t come to you.” Her hands tighten around mine so hard it almost hurts. “So I told you to come to me.”

“Come to me.”

The three words from my best friend that made me leave everything behind.

“What promise? What promise could possibly⁠—”

“Don’t you girls need to open the restaurant?” Lucien materializes at my shoulder, hands in pockets as he smiles at Tessa. “You know how you hate to rush the prep.”

Tessa blinks once. It’s the smallest thing, the smallest possible movement.

She blinks again, and something rearranges behind her eyes. The anger is gone. In its place is something softer, more pliable, and the crack I watched open seals itself shut as if it were never there.

I turn and glare at him. “You.” The word comes out very level. I’m almost impressed by myself. “You made her promise something.”

He raises one eyebrow.

“You are the reason I lost my best friend, and you’re standing here in this…” I make a sound that is not quite a laugh, “… this perfect little garden with your roses and your entitlement and⁠—”

“Tessa, love.” His voice is gentle in a way that puts my teeth on edge as he cuts me off. “How about you head inside? Get things started. Lennon and I have a conversation that’s long overdue.”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” I grit out. “I’m going to grab my best friend, and then we’re leaving.”

Tessa turns to me and squeezes my arm in a way I start to hate. “Talk to him, Lenny,” she says quietly. “Maybe it’ll help.”

Then she turns and walks back up the path toward the restaurant without looking back once.

Great. Fantastic. That’s great.

But I have other shit to worry about because I have no idea how I didn’t notice how wrong all of this is sooner. How I didn’t remember that he is This Man, even if Ridge⁠—

Ridge.

Paul.

Nevan.

Shit. What have I done?

I left one clusterfuck only to step into another one that feels just as real, even if it isn’t.