Page 96 of Ex Somnis

Of course, he does.

He kisses the top of my head once, then keeps going. I close my eyes and try to follow him into it, and I do, for a little while. The sound of his voice and the weight of his arm feel grounding in a way I can’t describe, but then my thoughts find their way back in anyway.

Paul saying all those things to reassure me, and meanwhile, in waking life, I kissed Nevan, and in my last dream, I did a lot worse with Ridge. Now, I’m lying here in Paul’s arms, letting him stroke my hair and tell me about a sleeping girl who got rescued by someone who loved her.

“You should be mad at me.”

“I could never be.” He looks down at me. “But why?”

“Because I just…” I press my teeth together. “I went off at you about wanting my best friend, when I⁠—”

“When you want mine?”

My stomach drops straight through the floor.

Time to put your big girl panties on, Lenny.

“Yes. And I kissed Nevan.”

“So he told us.”

“And in my last dream, Ridge and I…” I make a vague gesture with one hand. “We were not exactly discussing the weather.”

Paul is quiet for a moment, long enough that my stomach twists.

“Do you want the honest answer?”

“Always.”

His gaze holds mine.

“I’m not angry. But no, I don’t enjoy it. I don’t enjoy imagining you in someone else’s arms. I don’t enjoy knowing there are parts of you I have to share. I don’t enjoy the fact that when I found you, there were already pieces of your heart attached to other people.”

My throat tightens up, and I hate that feeling.

I’m a horrible person.

“But every time I try to imagine a future without you in it…” His mouth pulls into a tired smile. “I dislike that considerably more.”

My heart hurts because that’s Paul.

Not pretending or sugarcoating but telling the truth.

“I’m still trying to come to terms with it,” he admits quietly. “Some moments I think I understand. Others, I remember Ridge exists and feel way less evolved.”

A laugh escapes me before I can stop it.

His mouth twitches. “See? Progress.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know.” His thumb brushes slowly across my cheek. “I’ve known since the day I met you that your heart was too big for neat little categories. You drove across the country for Tessa.” He trails his thumb down to my jaw, making goose bumps rise in his wake. “You became a friend to Nevan when he desperately needed one. You crossed a hallway for Ridge when everyone else stopped trying.”

His voice drops lower. “One of the things I love most about you is that you refuse to abandon people.”

Love.

“So no, I’m not angry.” Something flickers behind his eyes. “But I would be lying if I said this is easy for me.”