Page 110 of Demon Touched

“No,” I say coldly. “That absolutely doesn’t help. It just shows that you’re a clever, sneaky bastard.”

He nods, accepting the insult. “Not clever enough, obviously. Because I didn’t anticipate how much it would hurt you or understand how I was driven by my own insecurities.”

It’s hard, being given what you’ve begged for so long from someone: acknowledgment, accountability. It’s not the instant relief of a cure, but more like a painful surgery that maybe, just maybe, might lead to some healing.

“I kept telling myself that I would reveal everything to you eventually,” he continues. “But I’ve been a ruler a long time, Leah, and I’m not used to having to explain or justify my decisions to anyone.” He sighs, and I’m reminded that Syrus exposing himself like this—raw and naked, prepared to be judged—can’t be easy.

“You’ve accused me many times of trying to control you,” he continues. “But really, it was the situation I wanted to feel in command of. I didn’t want to take your freedom, but when the elements of the prophecy started falling into place around you…well…it felt like the forces of fate were ripping all control away from me. I was afraid, and that had me doing anything I could to get that control back, while still trying to keep you.”

His words cleave my heart open a little more. “Except you didn’t keep me. You lost me,” I say softly. “I went to Aradis.”

“Yes,” he says, grimacing as if he doesn’t like remembering it. “That’s what I mean about tying my own hands. If I’d just told you before, perhaps you wouldn’t have gone. But after you’d left, I knew I couldn’t risk revealing the truth.”

“Because then I really was an ephilium agent,” I say, realization dawning. The more I embraced the culture of Aradis, the more likely I was to become a weapon that could destroy his kingdom.

“Yes, potentially,” he says. “When you let me back in at last, I wanted to tell you so badly.” He takes a step forward, his tone begging me to believe him. “But it was too great a risk for my domain. You were at the academy, learning how to annihilate my kind, and every day you were getting more powerful. I didn’t want to think you would betray me, but if I told you about the prophecy, and somehow the pale-bloods succeeded in turning you against me, then that information could’ve sealed both your and Infernum’s fate.”

I look away, swallowing down a strange mix of emotions. I want to be offended by the suggestion that I would do that to Syrus or the demon realm, but what right do I have to take offense? I trained with the ephilium army and went into battle with them. I killed for Aradis and kept telling Syrus I was planning to make a life there.

What was he supposed to do? Put all of Malice in danger just for the chance that I might forgive him? Risk his domain because he’d fallen for a nephilim and was desperate to have her back? Even I can see that’s not the strategy any decent ruler would choose.

And still, he did take risks. He helped me get stronger, so I could survive. He wanted me to pass the trials, even if that meant me being accepted by the enemy. He put himself in the lion’s den, coming to Aradis, just to protect me.

Goddess. The scale of Syrus’s care for me presses down all at once, and when I look back at him, tears prick the corners of my eyes. It’s too much, the idea of someone burdening themselves so much for me. Overwhelming in a way that makes me want to hold him close and bury my face in his chest, until the warmth and weight of his body drowns out everything else.

Instead, I pat the spot beside me.

“Come here,” I say, my voice a little raspy from holding back tears.

He complies without a word, and I feel every muscle in him relax when I reach over and take his hand.

“Thank you for telling me,” I say quietly, drawing his fingers into my lap, threading my own through them. “I’m just wondering why you’re telling me this now. Is it because I chose to leave Aradis with you?”

He musters a wry smile, and he gives my fingers a squeeze.

“Maybe a little, though it’s not like you had much choice in the matter. But when you broke Ajax’s spell, it changed things for me.”

I release his fingers only to put my hands on either side of his face, lightly stroking his jaw.

“Tell me how,” I say. One last explanation, I think to myself. Please. And then maybe I can let myself have this. Have you.

I want it so badly that I’m almost afraid when Syrus starts talking again.

“I don’t think anyone else could’ve done it, Leah,” he says, laying one of his hands over mine. “If we’d never had the possession bond, you’d never have inherited demon abilities like being able to read Cyrax. And if you’d not been nephilim, the possession bond would’ve never become what it was, nor would you have had the power to remove the runes.”

He takes both of my hands and holds them to his chest, like he’s worried I’ll take them away. I won’t; I want to keep holding on, like I’m hanging on to his every word.

“All these things that I thought made our relationship so dangerous suddenly became the ultimate gift,” he says. “Prophecy or not, fate brought you to me. I have to trust in that, and in what this demon heart of mine keeps telling me over and over—that you’re worth every risk, Leah, in every realm.”

It’s more than enough. It’s so much that I think I might crack open with the happiness of it. I no longer mind everything we’ve been through to get here, because it all brought me back to him.

“I’m going to kiss you now,” I say, and the huff of laughter from his lips is nothing short of delighted.

“Be my gues⁠—”

The end of his words are cut off by my mouth pressing against his. He smiles into it at first, caught by surprise at my eagerness. That quickly changes though, his mouth hurrying to claim mine. It’s been weeks since I got to have this, the delicious slide of his lips against mine, the taste of him on my tongue as his warm breath ghosts across my face.

The kiss thoroughly liquefies my brain. It swings from being soft and probing to hungry and hard-edged, ending up with a desperate note to it that I know we both deeply understand. Every touch says that we have to experience everything while we can, because who knows what tomorrow will bring?