Page 147 of Demon Touched

“Sometimes I’m afraid of that too.”

I make a choked gasp. I was sure there was no one else in this world who knew me better. No one’s been as close to me as him, has lived in my skin and walked in my mind. Can he really say that to me?

“It’s true,” he says, lifting his head. “I can’t ever stop loving you, Leah. But truly knowing you? That’s a different question. We were once linked so closely, and now…”

Now we can’t ever be that again. And if our relationship can’t survive without a piece of black magic neither of us ever asked for, if we can’t agree on our future without something constantly pushing us together, then maybe we’re not so destined for each other after all.

It’s an awful thought, one I don’t want to entertain, especially in the middle of all this anger. I’m hoping my emotions are lying to me, that whatever seems totally true and immoveable now will turn flimsy and false once we’ve calmed down. But in order to reach that calm, I need distance. I need to talk to someone who isn’t so snarled up in their feelings for Syrus that she can’t see anything clearly.

“I’m going to see Filippa,” I say, crossing the room to grab my cloak. “I’ve only exchanged notes with her since the battle, and I want to check on her and Hodges.”

Syrus tugs a hand through his hair. “Are you sure you’re in a condition to go out?”

I pause by the door. Despite everything, he’s still concerned about me, and I still want to save him from that fear.

“Yes, I’m fine,” I say, my eyes on the door handle. “And don’t worry if I don’t come back tonight. I’ll probably stay there.”

There’s movement behind me, and I think for a moment that maybe Syrus will stop me from walking away. But he doesn’t, and I leave the room knowing he won’t try to follow.

Chapter 40

Syrus

I’m less than friendly when Strickland returns to the residence that evening to speak with me. I don’t have it in me to be pleasant when I’ve spent hours stewing alone, replaying the argument between Leah and me.

So when the chief assemblyman requests a conversation, all I can think is that Leah only suggested we stay in Pax after she spoke to Strickland. Maybe if it weren’t for him, we wouldn’t have had that fight, and she’d be here right now, where she should be: resting and recovering with me by her side.

It’s not really fair to Strickland to blame him. Leah doesn’t need someone to put an idea in her head—in fact, she strongly resents any hint of manipulation. But I’m desperate for places to direct my anger, and he’s an obvious target.

“I thought perhaps you’d be busy visiting your sorceress friend,” I say stiffly when we meet in one of the residence drawing rooms.

Strickland searches my face as I drop down into a chair, his own expression tense. “My sorceress friend,” he repeats.

“Yes. Roseingrave,” I clarify. “Were you unclear as to which one I meant? Tell me, Assemblyman, do many of your friends operate secret sorcerer circles?”

A touch of frustration flashes in his eyes. As a politician, he’s a good diplomat, which means he generally excels at presenting a calm and collected demeanor. But even Strickland is human, and I can tell he doesn’t appreciate my rudeness.

“I’m having the wardens interrogate her as we speak, Lord Syrus. We’ll find out about this order, and maybe then we’ll get to the bottom of where that weapon on the plains came from too.”

I nod, very slightly appeased. At least Strickland is taking our concerns about this seriously.

“But I’m not here to talk about Strata,” Strickland continues. “Not directly anyway. I wanted to speak to you at the party actually, but…” He shrugs, acknowledging we had a good reason to be distracted yesterday. “I’m assuming you still haven’t managed to get in touch with the other lords?”

I suppress a scoff. He makes it sound like my messages are getting lost in the mail. In reality, I’m sure the demon lords are tossing them out as soon as—maybe before—they’ve read them.

“No, I haven’t,” I say, trying to sound less irritated by this fact than I am.

Strickland nods, steepling his fingers. “Well, I have.”

I stiffen. “In what context?” I demand.

“The same as yours. I contacted them to propose a meeting between you and them, to help resolve your issues.”

“And they responded?”

“Yes. I suspected they might react more kindly to the request if it came from me, and I was correct.”

I feel another twinge of resentment toward the assemblyman—not just because he’s succeeded where I failed, but because he took action without discussing it with me first. But then, isn’t that the kind of thinking that got me into trouble with Leah back in Infernum? I’m so used to being in charge, to having everything go through me. I struggle when anyone pushes back against my authority—like Leah demanding I explain myself to her, or Strickland making decisions without consulting me.