Page 90 of Demon Touched

“You’ve decided then,” Aster pushes when I don’t answer her. “This is the end? And once the bond is broken, we pack our bags and go back to Infernum as if you were never anything to each other?”

I close my eyes, trying to absorb the words, but it’s like reaching out to wrap my hands around a branch covered in thorns.

“She’s serious about staying in Aradis,” I say. “She’s made that clear. But maybe…”

I open my eyes, wondering how foolish it would be to voice the thought out loud.

“Maybe?” Aster prompts.

I remember then that Aster saw me crawling out of the Morphos, naked and terrified, on the day we were both reborn. She watched me step into my role as demon lord, even as I was as shaky-legged and wide-eyed as a fresh calf. And not so long ago, she watched me fall in love with an impossible person, after centuries of carefully building up my walls. And she never once judged me for any of it.

“Maybe I’m holding onto a small hope that she might still change her mind,” I admit.

“You hit her where it would hurt most,” Aster says, lifting an eyebrow. “That’s hard to move past.” Aster hasn’t been shy about letting me know she respected Leah’s reasons for leaving.

I rub my thumb and forefinger over the bridge of my nose.

“Yes, I see that now.” It took me longer than it should have, to understand what wound I caused. I should have known, from the suddenness of her departure and the drastic destination she chose, that I’d crossed a serious line. What would Leah go so far to protect, at the cost of almost everything else—even contact with the sister she’d sacrificed everything for not so long ago?

Her freedom.

She’d given it up once, agreeing to marry Hathwell, but at least that had been by her own choice. Then I came along and told her she didn’t need to sacrifice herself on any altars to deserve what she wanted so desperately. I pushed her to take what she was entitled to—and then what did I do? After all those lessons, I turned around and tried to take exactly the same thing from her, without even realizing what a betrayal it was.

“It took me seeing her here to understand it,” I tell Aster. “I thought it was about me.” I look out the window, skimming lightly around that still-tender hurt within myself. “About how I wasn’t enough. Not enough to convince her to stay.”

Yes, I had—still have—good reasons for the things that I kept from her. And yes, I wish she’d trusted me more, given me more time to explain them. But was that a reasonable expectation?

Aster leans over and pats me on my knee. “Of course it wasn’t about that. Being the master of her own life came first for her. And if she was so ready and willing to choose you over that, she wouldn’t be the woman you fell for anyway.”

She’s right, and it has a bittersweet irony, considering that Leah and I only met because I was given the chance to dive into her mind and control her.

“So what do I do?” I ask helplessly, as if there’s some secret answer that will fix everything, and my best friend happens to have been holding onto it this whole time.

Aster shrugs, “You keep showing her who you really are by giving her what she wants. By breaking the bond.”

“But that’s happening in two days,” I point out. “And then we’ll leave Aradis, and I won’t be able to reach her anymore.”

“There’s no other way, darling. You either let her go and see what happens, or you lose her now for certain.”

I throw my head back, letting it rest on the back of the couch. I don’t see any other answer either, but I hate it anyway.

“I like you better when you’re drunk and don’t make so much sense,” I grumble.

Aster laughs. “Darling, that’s when I make the most sense. Speaking of which…” She rises from the couch and sweeps toward the drinks trolley she talked the ephilium into delivering to our rooms. “It’s six o’clock, and I’m parched.”

Chapter 25

Leah

Dear Leah,

Your news has given me more joy than I can possibly express. I agree that it isn’t wise to be too direct at this time. Doing so could ruin our hopes for a successful return. Until then, I must trust the friends of friends. But please do come see me when you can, so we may discuss your news further, and so that I might properly thank you.

Gratefully,

Your Aunt Ghola

I read the letter over again. It was delivered to the academy just before I was due to slip out and sneak into the Seraph Seat. I’m glad I didn’t miss it. I was starting to get nervous about not getting a response from my aunt. I sent her a letter over a week ago, after I got a message from Hodges delivered via inter-realm messaging without fanfare. I suspected at the time from the slightly curled edges of the paper that some ephilium guard might have read it, but Hodges was smart enough to keep the message brief and coded, promising that our scavenger friend “Fiona” is following the directions Martha gave her, and that her “allergy medicine” has been working wonders.