Page 55 of The Other Half

“Nah. We’ll be here drinking.” Lucy raised her glass.

“Are you?” Josie asked.

I shrugged. “Yeah. Why not. I’ll be back.”

The last time I’d gone to watch fireworks, I’d been a kid sitting on my dad’s lap. My mom had spread out a blanket and the three of us clapped each time an explosion lit up the sky. The thought of watching fireworks without them caused that lump to swell in my throat again, but it felt like part of my healing process to experience it again and let their memories flood back over me.

After leaving the Ox, I crossed the street and walked through the parking lot of the Beachfront Inn. Children splashed in their outdoor pool, their innocent laughter carried away with the warm summer breeze. As I walked past, I remembered the way my father used to lift me over his head when I was a child playing in the pool at our summer house in the Hamptons. He’d launch me through the air only to scoop me back up before I splashed into the water below. I looked over and saw a man holding his son in the air, sweeping him across the water while the little boy squealed with the same joy I used to have. Smiling, I kept walking, hoping that little boy would always cherish this memory of his summer vacation and of his father the same way I would always cherish mine.

When I made it to their little stretch of beach, I paused to inhale the intoxicating smell of the lake. Darkness hovered just above the strip of light settling into the horizon. The fireworks would start soon. Careful not to step on the people scattered along the beach, I found an opening just down the way. When I got there, my feet stuttered to a stop when I saw Jake standing alone staring at the sky. As I debated on bolting before he saw me, his head turned, and our eyes connected.

Too late now.

With the same soft smile I’d given him when I saw him earlier in the day, I walked to his side.

“Fancy meeting you here,” I said, followed by a nervous chuckle.

“Yeah, I guess.” His own nerves were apparent in the way he shifted his feet.

“I can go somewhere else if you want. I didn’t know you’d be here.”

“No. No, it’s fine.” Though he said the words, the intent behind them was missing.

“Are you sure? I can totally find another spot.”

He blew out a deep breath and shook his head. “No. Stay.”

The fear in his eyes shifted and that look I’d seen in them before slid into its place. It looked like a war waged inside him, and I recognized it because the same one waged inside me.

“Okay,” I answered and stepped to his side.

Silence settled between us while we stood staring at the darkening sky. When the tension was thick enough I could slice it with a knife, I took a deep breath and spoke.

“I haven’t seen fireworks since I was a kid. With my parents.”

He turned to me, and I saw the recognition in his eyes. He’d seen how difficult it was for me to talk about my parents that night at his house.

“Is it hard?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“I haven’t missed a Bailey’s Harbor fireworks in my life. Even as an infant, my parents brought me here. They’ve been friends with the owners of this hotel for ages, so they always saved us a spot. And we watched fireworks together every year until they moved away. They aren’t like, gone, or anything, but I still wish they were here.”

I stared up at him.

“It’s stupid, right? I’m like a grown man who still watches fireworks alone and misses his parents.” Rolling his eyes, he shook his head.

“It’s not stupid.” I touched his arm. It was the third time today my hands went rogue and reached out. “It’s not stupid at all.”

Another silent exchange passed between us. The battle in both of us shifted, and I didn’t make any attempt to fight it. A firework exploded and snapped our attention toward it. Sparkles illuminated the sky while bursts of color lit the world surrounding us.

Memories of my mother’s laughter echoed in my mind, and I could almost feel my father’s tight squeeze while he held me and pointed to the sky. It had been two years since I’d lost them, but for the first time since it happened, I wasn’t numbed by drugs and distractions. I let myself feel the grief I’d fought to suppress. While I felt their absence deeper than I had prepared for, a tear slipped out of my eye and slid down my cheek. Another explosion lit the sky and Jake glanced down at me. With teary eyes, I looked back up at him. Before I could shed another one, his arm slipped around my shoulder, pulling me in tight. I pressed against his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist. That feeling of safety and protection I’d gotten in my father’s arms once again settled over me in Jake’s embrace.

“You’re okay,” he whispered and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of my head. “I’ve got you.”

With tears streaming onto his t-shirt, I watched the colors exploding around us. So many emotions surged through me, igniting like the fireworks crackling across the sky. Guilt. Sorrow. Loss. Safety. Security. And that emotion only Jake could elicit inside me.

When the fireworks stopped, the crowd applauded, but Jake and I stood in silence, my face still pressed to his chest.