Page 77 of The Other Half

Even though I knew he was furious with me, seeing my tears softened the anger inside his eyes.

“How was a plane crash your fault, Cassie?” he asked, quieter now.

“Because they were flying to me. I’d gone skiing in Vail and fell, breaking my leg. When I called them from the hospital, I begged them to come be with me. Grandpa was away on the jet, so they chartered a plane and were flying to me. It crashed, Jake. And they died. They died because I went skiing down a hill I wasn’t ready for. They died because I made them come. They died because of me.”

Sobs shook my shoulders. Saying it out loud, admitting it to Jake felt like unloading a burden I’d carried alone these past two years.

“Cassie, it’s not your fault,” he whispered. His hand brushed against mine. When he squeezed it, I cried harder.

“It is my fault. They got on that plane because I begged them to come. They died because of me.”

“Hey, hey,” he said softly, scooting toward me. Wrapping an arm around my shoulder, he pulled me into his chest. “They died because of a plane crash. You didn’t control the plane. It happens. Life. Death. It just happens. And it’s no one’s fault. You can’t blame yourself, Cassie. You couldn’t have known.”

“I do blame myself! It’s all that I could think about until I found the escape, the crutch of booze and drugs I’ve leaned on for two years now. And even though I still blame myself, I finally found peace up here. With you. I started to heal.”

“You’re not to blame, Cassie. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. But you’re not to blame. You need to forgive yourself.”

He held me while I cried. Knowing he was the type of man who could comfort me even amid his anger made the agony of my lies to him burn deeper.

“I’m so sorry, Jake. I’m so sorry. I messed everything up. Again.” I sniffled and peered up at him. This time it wasn’t anger burning through me. It was understanding. Kindness. I leaned up, closing my eyes while I pressed my lips to his.

“I’m so sorry, Jake,” I whispered against his resistant lips. But he didn’t pull away. I pressed my lips to his again. This time they responded. Soft at first, a reluctant return of my kiss. I pressed deeper into him, wrapping my arm around his neck. Passion exploded from his kiss when he pulled me against him. I whimpered into his mouth when our lips collided, the power of our connection crackling once again between us. But then he froze in my embrace.

“No,” he barked, ripping himself away.

“Jake.” I tried to reach for him again, but he shook his head, wiping his lips while he stared out the window.

“No. I can’t. I’m sorry, Cassie. I’m sorry about what you went through. But I can’t do this. Not again. I— I don’t know what to feel right now. I don’t even know what to believe, or how to make sense of this. I just need time, or space, or... I don’t fucking know what I need, but I just... I can’t.”

“Jake, please.”

“Go, Cassie. Please. Just go.” Tears shimmered in his eyes and caused mine to flood unchecked again.

Nodding my head, I sucked on my lip still tingling from his kiss and opened the door. With teary eyes, I looked back at him once more before climbing out. He didn’t look at me, and I wondered if he’d ever look at me without hurt in his eyes again. He’d already been so damaged, and I’d torn apart what was left of him.

“I’m sorry, Jake. You have to believe me,” I said, before I closed the door.

Silence was his only answer. When I stepped back, the engine roared, and he drove off, leaving me standing in the road. Struggling to keep from running after him or crumpling into a heap, I heard my father whispering in my ear again. Crying wouldn’t fix this. It wasn’t going to make Jake forgive me or pay the new bills I’d have out on my own. And it wasn’t going to bring my parents back.

Even though I didn’t know if I could ever truly forgive myself for their deaths, I knew to finish the process of healing and fix all the damage in my wake, I needed to try. This was a fresh start for me, and I felt like they each stood holding my hand, encouraging me to take the first steps toward redemption. I was too late to save the company, but I hoped I wasn’t too late to save myself.

With my new resolve coursing through my veins, I turned back toward the Blue Ox. Maybe Jake wasn’t ready to forgive me, and Jo may kill me when I walked through those doors, but I needed a job and I needed her forgiveness. Hoping to win both, I marched inside.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she groaned when I came through the doors.

“Jo. I need to apologize to you.”

“Don’t want to hear it.” She turned her back and pretended to fuss with the beer bottles.

“You’re short staffed now. And that’s my fault. But if you’ll let me explain myself to you, and what really happened, maybe we can find a way to work together. Or I can at least help you until you replace me. Unless you feel like working doubles in the middle of the busiest month of the year.” I arched a brow and held my ground.

Rising slowly, she turned to meet me. “Fine. Speak. But if we get to the end and I don’t like what you’ve said, I get full permission to punch you. And you don’t get to call your lawyers and throw me in jail.”

Struggling to suppress my smile, I nodded. “You have yourself a deal.”

With an eye roll, she crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. “Well. Go on then.”

After exhaling a long sigh of relief, I started from the beginning.