Page 20 of The Other Room

“Ha!” Jenna slapped the bar. “Anymore.”

“What?” I pressed my fingers into my temples.

“You said, ‘But I’m not anymore.’ Anymore implies you were at one time in love with him. Anymore implies that I was right all along.” She turned to Darcy. “I’ve always known but even as a kid she denied it until she was blue in the face.”

“Fine!” I tossed my hands up. “When we were kids, I did have a crush on him. There. Are you happy?”

“A little.” Jenna sat back and crossed her arms. “But not anymore?”

“No!” Exasperated, I slumped forward. “No. Not anymore. I realized in middle school he was never going to see me as anything but tomboy Jo. And then Nikki moved into town and he and Jake practically fell at that whore’s feet.”

Nikki moved up to Door County from Chicago our freshman year. Since we only had fifty people in our grade, the beautiful new girl had turned every guy in high school into bumbling idiots when she was around. Even the seniors had a thing for Nikki, but it was Jake who’d caught her eye.

Jenna scoffed. “Oh, I remember when she moved to school. I was a junior and that chick seriously threw off my game when she arrived. I mean, I had it going on, but fresh meat and all.”

Darcy nodded her understanding.

“So,” Jenna pressed on. “You were in love with him. And you’re sure you’re not still in love with him and that’s why you’re the only person who can’t find it in their heart to forgive him?”

“I’m sure.”

Was I? Suddenly her words struck a little too close to home. I’d questioned myself often this past year, wondering why I was the only one hanging on to my animosity with both hands. Sure, I had one good reason to hate his guts, but I also had a list a mile long of all the incredible things he’d done for me throughout our lives. All the things that made him one of the best guys I’d ever known. The best if I was being honest. And yet, there was a hurt so deep inside me over his indiscretion with Nikki I still couldn’t bring myself to forgive him. A hurt I realized I couldn’t identify.

“Just think about it, baby sis. There’s a reason you can’t forgive him, and I don’t think it’s the reason you think it is.” She tapped on her temple then licked the last of the salt off her margarita. “We’ve got some wedding planning to do. But you better keep me posted about how this goes down.”

“I will.”

She leaned over the bar and pulled me in for a hug. “Unless you’re in love with him, you’ll forgive him. And even if you are... forgive him anyway. Forgive him, Jo. Harboring all this anger toward him only hurts you. He’s a good guy. A great guy. He fucked up. Once. It’s time to let it go.” She lowered her voice and whispered, “I know what dad did to mom—to us— makes us both a little less likely to forgive men who betray people, but it’s time. Matt didn’t betray you. Matt’s not dad. Forgive him.” Those words felt like a sledgehammer to the stomach. Matt’s not dad.

And he wasn’t. In fact, Matt was the guy who’d filled in around the house for my dad when he’d cheated on my mom and ran off with that hussy. But that unforgiveable action from my father had sent me on a path that took any form of betrayal as a mortal sin. It had broken me. Changed me. I couldn’t forgive him for what he’d done, and I couldn’t forgive anyone who broke my trust again. No one. Not even Matt.

After pecking me on the cheek, she pulled away and grabbed her purse, tossing a twenty on the bar.

“It was nice to meet you,” Darcy said as she stood up. “Good luck with everything.”

“Text. Me. Everything.” Jenna pointed to her phone. “I want deets. Since I have no love life of my own, I’m living vicariously through you.”

“I have no love life either, Jenna, and this isn’t going where you think it’s going.”

“We’ll see.” She winked and blew me a kiss.

After they left, I was stuck in this empty bar with nothing to do but overanalyze her observations. I mean, I’d harbored feelings for Matt over the years. Yeah, of course. How could I not? He was gorgeous, kind, funny, and the guy who was always there for me. Perfect, really. But each time those feelings reared their head I just reminded myself that he thought of me like a sister and I shoved them away.

Just friends. That’s what I always reminded myself. A mantra I recited in my mind each time he walked into a room looking too good and smiling that way that used to make my stomach do cartwheels.

But now we weren’t even that. Just friends no longer applied since he’d gone and blown up our friendship last year.

“Jo?” Maggie, the waitress called and shook me from my spiraling thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“Did you get that drink order I put through?”

“Huh?” I spun around and saw the white paper hanging out of the drink printer. “Oh, shit. I was zoned out. Sorry. Just give me a second.”

Once again, I shoved my not-so-friendly thoughts about Matt back into the pit they’d called home for over twenty-five years and I got back to work.

When I walked up the path to my cabin, I stopped when I saw the living room glowing with the colored lights of the television. It was strange to see my cabin alive in my absence. Normally I had to turn on my cellphone flashlight to find my way up the stairs when I got home. But tonight, the warm glow lit my way, and I took a deep breath before I continued my way up. With Jenna’s words, “forgive him”, ringing in my ears, I opened the door.