Page 23 of The Wilder Widows

“Isn’t that the truth.” I sighed and remembered how much pain love had brought into my life.

“You okay, Alice?” Sylvie asked, noticing my sullen expression.

“Yes. Fine,” I said, but I could see she didn’t believe me. “A table. Let’s sit.” I gestured to the table a group of ladies just vacated. The four of us hurried over to secure our seats before someone else swooped in.

“Alice, you’ve been weird all night. Spill.” Sylvie hadn’t let the short break in our conversation make her forget her astute observation.

Taking a sip of the fruity drink, my face puckered as much as Marge’s had. “Good God. Someone get me some vodka.”

“Spill.” Sylvie leaned forward onto her elbows.

“Fine.” I sighed. “I’m pissed off.”

“Pissed off?” Marge scoffed. “This was your idea. You wanted to come here, and you know, dance again or whatever. Well, we’re here.”

“I’m not pissed I’m here now.” I shook my head. “I’m pissed I haven’t been here the whole time. This is where I belong.” I waved my hand at the sights and sounds around us. “On stage. That is where I belong. And I missed it. I missed it all, and I’m just...”

“Pissed,” Sylvie said, and I saw the recognition in her eyes. “I get it.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I had a lot of dreams that Bruce stood in the way of. It’s tough not being able to go back and get a redo.”

“I just didn’t realize how hard it would be to see the life I missed out on.”

“So why did you miss out on it? You haven’t told us what happened.” Doris asked, happily sipping her drink.

Memories of heartbreak and shattered dreams crashed back into me like a semi-truck. “I got knocked up.”

“Damn kids,” Marge grumbled and took another excruciating chug of her drink.

“I came here fresh off the farm and out of high school. I’d seen a program with showgirls on TV when I was a kid, and I was in awe of them.” I drifted off while I remembered how I’d watched them move on stage, admiring their grace and beauty. They took my breath away. “Some kids had dreams of being a doctor, or a scientist, or a writer. But not me. The minute I saw them dance, I knew that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted to shine on stage just like those women I’d seen on the television. So, I begged for dance lessons until my parents agreed. And you know what? I was good. A natural they said.”

“And you certainly got the legs.” Sylvie gestured to my stems, and I crossed them the other way.

“It was a mix of hard work and genetics. But yes. I got the legs. And I had the drive. So, I danced my way through high school. Every talent show. Every musical. I was there. Dancing. And the day I graduated, I didn’t bother to go to the parties. I knew I’d never see those people again. I’d be too busy being a star.”

“So, you came to Vegas?” Marge asked, still struggling to down her drink.

“I packed a bag an hour after graduation and marched out to the road. Hitchhiked the whole way here.”

“You could have been murdered.” Doris shook her head.

“It was a different time then.” I shrugged. “And I wasn’t murdered. I got here safe and sound. It took me a year of cocktail waitressing and auditions before I got picked to be a showgirl. God, the excitement I felt when they said yes.”

I pressed my chin into my palms while I remembered those feelings that still felt as fresh as if I’d just heard the words ‘You’re in’ again.

“It was a dream come true. All those hours of training and practicing, and finally, I was in. I spent a year as a dancer, living the life and enjoying every second of it. But what I really wanted, what we all wanted, was the center of that stage. The lead dancer. The star.”

“Did you get it?” Sylvie asked.

I nodded, remembering again how it had felt to hear them call my name. “I did. After a lot of hard work and dedication, I finally did. They fitted me for my costume, and the choreographers taught me a special routine. I spent weeks training, just waiting for the day the new show opened, and this time it would be me standing in the brightest spotlight.”

“And then you got pregnant?”

“Turns out I already was.” I sighed. “A couple months before I had been chosen as the star, I’d been out at the casino with the girls after a show. The casino owners used to pay us extra to take sweeps through in our costumes, mingle with the customers, and we always met tons of men. And lots of celebrities. Like once it was Harry...”

“Cripes, Alice. We all know you banged Harry Hayes!” Marge rolled her eyes, and Doris cringed at the word banged.