Page 40 of The Wilder Widows

A bouquet of aromas from the fragrant flowers lining the park blended with the fresh bakery smells floating down the road. The four of us walked arm-in-arm as we made our way through the park across from the restaurant. Alice had paid the bill and made her apologies before meeting us outside and agreeing some fresh afternoon Paris air was just what I needed to recover.

Alice squeezed my arm. “I really am sorry about making you so upset.”

“It’s alright, Alice. I’m sorry I ran off like a ninny. This is just all so much for me to handle.”

“You’ve really never had fantasies, Doris?”

I shook my head. “No. I mean, I’ve seen movies with some saucy scenes, but as far as putting myself in them? Never. It’s just not like that for me. Sex was my wifely duty, but it was never something I considered enjoyable.”

“I’m sad you never got to enjoy it,” Sylvie said. “Bruce was no pro in the sack, but I found ways to make it enjoyable. And there were a couple men before Bruce far more talented.” Her eyes closed momentarily while she inhaled a deep breath. “One in particular that I envisioned on top of me every time I needed a little help getting my hootie. Worked like a charm.”

“I did it those two times with Percy, but if it had been like it was with Roxy...” Marge blew out a breath, “I would have spent the better part of my life in bed.”

Alice smirked. “Nothing wrong with that.”

Marge lifted her eyebrows. “Now I get why you’re getting it on with everyone, Alice. I get it.”

They exchanged a brief look of solidarity.

“I just don’t think that sex is an important part of my life. It was a wifely duty. My husband is dead, so now it doesn’t even matter anymore.” I surprised myself that I had started talking so openly about sex. Until these three women dragged me on this adventure, it wasn’t something I’d ever discussed with anyone. It still felt odd to talk about it, but each time we did, I cringed a little less.

“Doris, I know that we went too far back there,” Sylvie said. “But I do think you’re selling yourself short just closing that chapter of your life. You are beautiful—”

“Yeah, now that she doesn’t look like the Old Maid.” Marge chuckled, and Sylvie bumped her with an elbow and went on.

“Men notice you now, Doris, even if you aren’t noticing them noticing you. Sure, that doesn’t mean you’re going to hop in bed with some waiter you just met, but you shouldn’t discount meeting a man and falling in love again.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that.” I shook my head. “I think that ship has also sailed. It’s just me and my knitting now. And, of course, I have you gals.”

“Bah!” Marge waved her hand in the air. “If I can find someone, you can find someone. I also thought my days were done, and I would just rot alone in my mother’s house, but let me tell you, Doris... we aren’t dead yet! It’s time you think about moving forward into this next chapter of your life and opening yourself up to the possibilities.”

Alice pursed her lips then smiled. “Wow. Look at Marge going full Tony Robbins.”

“Can it, Alice. Meeting Roxy... changed me. I’m excited again. Life is filled once again with new opportunities and adventures. I hope that soon it is for all of you. I’m telling you, Doris... don’t shut out the possibilities. Maybe you’ve got a Roxy waiting for you too.”

“I’m not a lesbian!” I scoffed. It wasn’t that I had a problem with Marge’s sexuality, but the thought of it shocked me. In fact, I was still trying to process how a woman could be married for the better part of her life and then come out as a lesbian. And even though I had no intention of taking a strange man to bed, I knew with certainty it wasn’t a woman I wanted.

“I didn’t mean a woman. I meant a someone. For you, a man.”

“Was there ever anyone besides Harold?” Sylvie asked.

I shook my head. “No. Never. Harold was literally the boy next door. We grew up together. Our freshman year of high school, he asked me to a dance and then to go steady. We were together ever since. Well, until three years ago when he died.”

“Wow.” Alice blew out a breath. “So, you had only one man your entire life. I can’t imagine.”

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” I defended. “It’s the way God intended it.”

Sylvie stepped closer to my side. “But what now? Does God think you need to spend the rest of your life alone? I can’t imagine that’s what He would want for you.”

Pursing my lips together, for the first time in my life I thought about what life could be like with another man. Would he think I was beautiful? Kiss me with passion like I’d never known? Make my heart race the way Marge said hers did when she met Roxy? But what if he didn’t like my cooking? Or heaven forbid he had something horribly wrong with him, like a gluten intolerance, and he couldn’t enjoy my muffins. It was bad enough having to bake a batch of those abominations for every church outing now.

I shook my head. “I don’t think I can. The thought of another man is too scary. I had my husband. My children and a life I loved. That was enough for me.”

“But you can have that and more,” Sylvie said. “Bruce is barely cold in the ground, and granted I hated that son of a bitch, I know there is still a chance for me to find love again.”

That same nostalgic twinkle danced across her eyes for but a moment before dissolving once again.

“I find love all the time. In fact, I’m finding love with Gabriel tonight back at my room. He’s coming by at ten.” Alice’s white teeth flashed in the bright sunlight.