Page 70 of The Wilder Widows

We finished filling our plates and found our seats back by the fire. Axel ate with Madeline and the wranglers at the other fire, leaving the widows and me a little time to ourselves.

“So, this is your big wish, huh?” Alice said, lifting the top of her bun and pulling a face. “Beans, dirt, cow shit, and burned burgers?”

“Well, it’s the only wish I can actually do, so yes... this is my wish.”

“Wait a minute,” Marge said. “This isn’t your actual wish?”

The moment the words slipped out, I wished I could shove them back inside. “No. I mean, yes. Yes, this is my wish.”

Three sets of eyes bore through me, and I shifted on the log, looking away to the flames licking at our feet.

“Sylvie...” Marge warned. “What aren’t you telling us?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing.” I forced a smile and tried to shake the tension from my shoulders.

“If I’m sitting here in the middle of the fucking woods eating beans, this had better damn well be your wish, Sylvie,” Alice growled.

“It is!” A laugh more fake than I’d anticipated slipped out. “It is.”

Doris set down her plate and scooted to my side. “Sylvie, I can tell you’re holding something back. What is it? What aren’t you telling us?”

His face flashed through my mind. A smile so bright it had lit up my entire life.

“Sylvie. Spill,” Marge commanded.

Heaving a deep sigh, I set down my plate and turned to them. “My real wish, the one I can’t do, so this is my wish, is to see the man I loved with all my heart before I married Bruce.”

Memories smashed back into me as if I’d been run down by one of the bulls in Pamplona. I saw flashes of his face, his eyes, and our naked bodies pressed together while he told me he loved me.

“Who is he?” Marge asked, pressing closer.

Who is he? My great love. My soul mate. The one man who cracked open my soul and stepped inside, refusing to vacate almost forty years later. But instead of telling them that, I just answered, “His name was Thomas Connolly.”

“Thomas Connolly, huh? So, who was he?” Alice asked, offering me a swig of whiskey.

Knowing I needed some liquid courage, I took a big swig, letting it burn a hole through the wall I kept his memories hidden behind.

“I was just out of college and engaged to Bruce.”

“You were engaged?” Alice grinned. “You scandalous thing, you!”

Rolling my eyes, I shrugged off her comment. “Yes. I was engaged. And yes, I cheated. And yes, it was scandalous. I’m not perfect.”

“No one is perfect, Sylvie.” Doris pressed her lips together in a sympathetic smile. “We all make mistakes. Now, quit interrupting, Alice!” Doris swooshed at her. “Go on, Sylvie. Tell us what happened.”

I let the crack the whiskey made in the wall open all the way up. “Bruce and I had been together for several years, and we were about four months out from our wedding date. It was then I started to see the dark side of the man I was about to marry. Fresh out of college, he was struggling to find work, and his temper and bad attitude showed through for the first time. In college, he’d been happy. Funny. Full of life. But now, the man I said yes to was only a memory, and the man I was marrying wasn’t anyone I wanted to tie myself to. But I wasn’t sure how to end it. Bruce went out of town for a week on job interviews, and I decided to head out to the bar one night to meet up with some of my girlfriends. We had some drinks and some laughs, and then half-way through the night, I saw a set of amber eyes staring at me from across the bar. I’ll never forget the intensity of his gaze. It seared right through me.”

Doris clutched her chest and sighed. “Like Axel’s.”

Nodding, I pushed a stray rock back onto the fire with my foot. “He was gorgeous. Dark hair, big muscles, and a smile that nearly took me to my knees. He sent me a drink, and even though I knew I shouldn’t, I couldn’t stop my feet from taking me to him. It was like he sucked away my common sense and ensnared me with his looks.”

“He was a fox?” Marge asked, wiggling her brows.

Blowing out a puff of air, I nodded. Hard. “More like a lion.” I grinned. “A powerful, sexy, strong lion of a man. And I was powerless to resist him. Not that I wanted to.” Laughing, I remembered how he’d reached out to touch my hand and how I’d tried to remember Bruce and pull it away. Instead, my fingers entwined with his, holding tight as he’d rubbed the pad of his thumb across my palm.

“After spending hours laughing and talking, we ended up back at my place. One thing led to another, and I ended up having the hottest sex of my entire life.”

“Ah, this would be the partner you mentioned envisioning from time to time to get your hootie?” Alice gave me a sly smile, and I laughed.