Page 88 of The Wilder Widows

I let myself linger in his arms, willing myself to find the strength to tell him what I should have told him all those years ago. The thing that could rip him from my arms once again. After squeezing him for a moment longer, I inhaled a breath and pulled back.

“You asked me why I married Bruce,” I said, taking his hand in mine.

He nodded. “I never understood. I loved you so much, Sylvie. And I knew you loved me.”

I squeezed his hand. “I loved you more than you could ever know. I loved you so much, Tom.”

“So, why?” he asked, brushing a piece of hair from my face. “Why did you choose him?”

Closing my eyes, I dug down into my resolve and exhaled a deep breath. “When you left, I was planning on telling Bruce we were done. But I didn’t hear from you. And I started wondering if what I was feeling was one-sided... that maybe you were one of those guys who makes every girl feel the way you made me feel.”

“Never.” He shook his head. “You’re the only girl I’d ever felt that way about. Hell, you’re still the only girl I’d ever felt that way about.”

“But I didn’t know that then,” I said, tears welling in my eyes. “And after a couple months went by and I hadn’t heard from you, I was sure I was just some passing fling to you.”

“I’m sorry, Sylvie. I realize now I expected too much from you. I should have found a way to call or write or something. That was my fault.”

“No,” I shook my head. “I should have had faith in my feelings. I should have trusted in us. But I was young. Stupid. Scared.”

“Scared? Of what?”

My breaths quickened while I stared into his eyes, hoping this wasn’t the last time he’d ever look at me like that.

“Because I found out I was pregnant.”

The silence settled over us like a damp blanket. Tom’s wide eyes searched mine as I struggled to continue.

“I was pregnant, Tom. And you were gone. And I had no idea if I’d ever see you again. So, I made a choice, one I regret deeply, but I made a choice to stay with Bruce so my child could be raised in a family. I was too young, too scared, to risk being a single mother.”

His shoulders rose and fell with his deep breaths. I waited. Watched.

“Was... was it mine?” he breathed.

I nodded, and the tears broke free. “She. Her name is Rachel. And yes. She’s yours.”

Stepping back, he raked a hand through his hair. “What?”

“I’m so sorry, Tom. I was so scared. And I didn’t know if you were coming back. And I couldn’t risk her growing up in a broken home with a single mom struggling to survive. I’m so sorry.”

“Holy shit, Sylvie.” He leaned forward, pressing his hands into his knees. “How could you... how could you keep that from me?”

I stepped forward to touch him, but he pulled away. “It all happened so fast, Tom. And it was a mistake. A huge mistake. A mistake I paid for every day until Bruce died. I was miserable with him. He was awful. I spent every day living with that choice, but it was a choice I made and one I had to commit to. I wouldn’t let Rachel suffer for my choices, so I lived with them. Every. Single. Day.”

Pressing his hands to the top of his head, he spun in a circle. “I have a daughter?”

I nodded.

“You knew she was mine, and you married him anyway?”

I nodded again. “I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again.”

“And when I showed up on your doorstep? You... you were pregnant?”

Shame settled deep in my gut as I dropped my eyes to the ground.

“Holy shit, Sylvie.”

“I’m so—”