Page 9 of The Wilder Widows

“You think?” Alice asked, her eyes as wide as mine. “Isn’t that something you should know?”

Marge only shrugged. “I never acted on my feelings, so I can’t say for certain, but I definitely think I may be a lesbian.”

Doris clutched her chest. “But what about Percy? You can’t be a... lesbian,” she whispered the last word like she’d head straight to hell with the rest of us if she said it too loud. “You were married, Marge!”

“Yeah. I think Percy batted for the other team as well.”

“Double beards?” Alice nearly spit out her drink with the explosive laugh. “You two were double beards?”

“What’s a double beard?” Doris asked.

“A beard is a woman a gay man uses to make the world think he’s straight,” I said, still struggling to conceal my shock. Turning back to Marge, my eyes widened. “Did you both know about the other?”

Marge shook her head. “No. I only suspected. We met in ‘Nam, and I’m pretty sure he had a thing for boys. But he proposed, and with a face like this I knew I wouldn’t be getting another proposal, so I said yes.”

“But, you had a baby!” Doris was barely hanging on.

“We did it. Twice. That was all it took to make a baby.”

“Wait a minute.” Alice closed her eyes while she let the sentence resonate. “Are you trying to tell me that in the last, what, fifty years, you’ve only had sex twice?”

Marge nodded.

Alice feigned passing out before sitting straight back up. “How are you even alive? I would die without regular sex!”

“Well, considering she’s a lesbian and not attracted to men, I can see why doing it wouldn’t be high on her priorities,” I said.

“No interest whatsoever,” Marge agreed. “And neither did Percy. We did it once on our wedding night and once when we decided we wanted to have a baby. Lucky for us, we got knocked up on the first try.”

The color started to return to Doris’s ashen face. “Heavens to Betsy, Marge! What was your marriage like?”

“Best friends.” Her gruff demeanor disappeared behind the sweet smile remembering Percy induced. “We were the best of friends.”

“So you, a lesbian, married a gay man, and you two just lived like roommates?” I asked.

“Well, I’m not sure I’m a lesbian. Maybe I’m just asexual.”

“I don’t believe in asexual.” Alice scoffed. “Everyone likes sex. You just haven’t found the right person yet.”

“I’m not a lesbian, and I didn’t like it. I never even had one of those... you know,” Doris whispered.

“What?” Our voices rose once again in echoed shock.

“What do you mean you didn’t like it?” I asked. “You never had an orgasm? Never?”

Deep crimson crept down her cheeks while she shook her head. “I’m not comfortable talking about... you know. Just forget I said anything.”

“Too late now, Doris.” Alice grinned like the Cheshire cat. “Spill.”

“I’m not spilling!” Doris shrunk beneath her stare. “Let’s just focus on Marge. She’s the lesbian!”

The statement sent our heads swiveling back to Marge.

“I’m not sure if I’m a lesbian. I just suspect.”

“Well, are you attracted to me?” Alice asked, leaning forward to give her a seductive stare.

Marge puckered her face. “No.”