Page 26 of Born to be Wilder

“I’m in full support of that,” I said. “No cooking out tonight.”

“No cooking out ever again, if you ask me.” Alice peered into a compact mirror to apply a fresh coat of lipstick. “I want a drink. A real one. Something with an umbrella or enough proof to strip paint. I need to celebrate the fact that I survived the Great Raccoon Uprising of Indiana. I have learned my lesson about eating alfresco in the wilderness. The wilderness does not want us there.”

We were rolling through a small town—one of those Main Street places that still had its bones intact, old brick storefronts and a water tower and a bar on the corner with neon beer signs glowing in the windows. The kind of town that felt like it had been the same for forty years and was fine with that.

I watched the storefronts go by, half looking for a restaurant, half lost in my own thoughts, when I saw it.

A handwritten sign in the bar window.

KARAOKE TONIGHT—8 P.M.

I stared at it as we passed.

Something moved in my chest. Something that felt distinctly like the universe waving a sign in front of me.

“STOP THE RV!” I yelled.

SCREECH.

The world tilted. The smell of burning rubber filled the cabin as Bertha’s nose dipped violently while she shuddered to a screeching halt. A bag of Funyuns flew off the table behind us, hitting Marge in the back of the head.

“Marge!” I screamed, clutching the dash. “What the hell?”

She panted beside me, knuckles white as she gripped the wheel, her eyes darting left and right. “What happened? Where are they? Did I hit them?”

“Hit who?” I rubbed my chest where the seat belt had locked up.

“You yelled stop like I was about to run someone over! Did I? Did I hit something?”

“No!” I said quickly. “I saw a sign back there and wanted to go in. I didn’t mean lock up the brakes and cause a ten-car pileup. I meant stop normally!”

Marge whirled around in the driver’s seat, her face purple. “Then don’t yell ‘STOP THE RV’ like there’s a herd of schoolchildren under my chassis! I thought I was about to commit vehicular manslaughter, Sylvie! My heart just did a backflip!”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m with Marge on this one. What the hell, Sylvie!” Alice panted from behind me. “I thought we were crashing!”

“Me too!” Doris rose from the floor, and I cringed when I realized she’d been unbuckled and thrown from her seat.

And that they were right.

I had shouted like there was an emergency.

“Sorry.” I sucked the air through my teeth. “I saw a sign and just got really excited.”

Marge pressed a hand to her chest, breathing hard. “What in the Sam Hill was so important that you gave us all whiplash?”

I pointed out the window. “That bar.”

Everyone looked.

“It’s a bar,” Alice said.

“It has karaoke tonight.”

A beat of silence.

“You made me perform an emergency stop for karaoke?” Marge said flatly.

“I have one evening left as captain. And I know what I want to do with it.”