Page 69 of Born to be Wilder

As they struggled to form a sentence to defend themselves, I realized that even though my guns weren’t real, and a duel at noon wasn’t on the table, I could still help defend my new friends. Buy them some time to come up with the answers they needed to save their own skins.

I stepped forward, stopping right in front of her.

Clarice looked at me. I stood my ground, adjusted my Stetson, and leaned in.

“Hello, Clarice,” I whispered in my best Hannibal Lecter voice, finishing it with a creepy little slurping hiss.

Clarice didn’t flinch. I doubted she blinked, but I couldn’t tell from behind those black sunglasses. She just stared at me for three long seconds. “Never heard that one before. Really original.”

“Aw, come on! I wanted to show you my acting chops!” I said, snapping back into my normal voice. “I’m new on set, so if you need me to do anything, I’m your girl. I basically was Anthony Hopkins just then, right? I mean, you bought it.”

She didn’t respond, and I wished I could see her eyes. Right now it was like staring at a shark. No expression to judge.

But I’d stared down sharks before and lived to tell about it, so I straightened up and tried again. “How about this? I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse!” I tried for that signature Marlon Brando gravel but realized it sounded more like I had a throat infection or had swallowed a seagull. So, I tried again. “Go ahead, punk... make my day!”

I paused, a knowing smirk lifting my lips, as this time, I was certain I’d nailed it.

Clarice, the widows, and the boys didn’t respond. Everyone just stared at me.

“Marge, for the love of God, stop,” Sylvie finally whispered.

“What? I wanted to show her my range. I’m top talent here in case anyone wants to put me in a speaking scene. Kinda wasted opportunity to leave me in the background, you know? Give me a bigger part. You won’t regret it.”

“We apologize for our friend,” Alice answered, and I scowled at her. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Clarice. I’m Alice. This is Sylvie and Doris, and the embarrassing one is Marge. We’re extras today. We’ll get out of your hair while you all discuss business.”

Slowly, Clarice lowered her glasses, her green eyes coming into view as they locked onto Alice.

“You… you’re Gammy, aren’t you?” she asked, pulling off her sunglasses completely. “The showgirl.”

Pride straightened Alice’s spine. “Yes. I am.”

All the “top dog” energy evaporated into pure fan-girl excitement. “I saw your show in Vegas. Twice! You’re an absolute inspiration, dancing like that at... well, at any age! My mother talks about your Showgirl Sunset routine constantly.”

Alice gave a graceful little nod, the “Vegas star” suddenly emerging through the Western ensemble. “That’s very kind of you, Clarice. It was a wonderful run, and I had the time of my life up there.”

“You’re a legend and an inspiration. I had no idea you were cast in this movie!” She turned to the guys, who looked just as shocked as we were to see this side of Clarice. “Roger, why didn’t you tell me Gammy was in this movie? This is incredible. Brilliant choice.”

“I, uh…” He paused, stuttering for an answer. “We didn’t actually know she was famous. They are extras today.”

The warmth in Clarice’s face evaporated like a storm had swallowed the sun. “Oh. So you didn’t even manage to do one thing right. Why am I not surprised? You have a name like Gammy and you’ve got her… what? Mopping the saloon floor?” Clarice turned on her heel, snapped her fingers, and yelled, “Roger, Dan, Anders. Production trailer. Now.”

The three men leaped forward after her like scolded little boys, and Clarice just glanced back over her shoulder and called, “Pleasure to meet you, Gammy. I’m sure I’ll see you on set soon.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Alice responded.

We watched for a few moments until they disappeared into the fray of rushing crew members. Then Sylvie sucked the air through her teeth.

“Yeesh. She was something else,” she said.

“She was kinda scary.” Doris tugged her bonnet back into place as a gust of wind loosened it.

“I like her.” Alice shrugged. “A powerful, confident businesswoman. My kinda gal.”

“Ah, she’s nothing but teeth. All bark and no bite. Come on. We’re supposed to be on set, I think, and with those guys gone, we’re gonna need to find our way. Follow me, ladies.”

I led the widows through the massive set, which was built like a real Western town everywhere you looked. We oohed and ahhed at everything we passed, getting completely caught up in the magic of what went on behind the scenes at a real live movie shoot.

We rounded a corner, and the full scale of the thing opened up before us—the Western street we’d glimpsed on our way in, now lit and dressed and alive with the controlled chaos of a real production in full swing. Camera rigs. Equipment I didn’t know the names of that probably cost more than Bertha. People with headsets and clipboards huddled together, their decisions each shaping the movie we would one day sit in a theater to see.