Page 34 of Winter Magic at Hollybrae Castle

Maisie bounces over before I have a chance to ask any questions, but Nancy’s words ring in my head for a long time afterwards. It feels like a hint, like she’s letting me know I’m not imagining it. Ollie isn’t suited to the job he does, and he is suited to this castle and everything it could be, if only he had time to let himself see that.

It takes all six of us to drag the huge tree back to the castle and get it upright, and then we return for the other much smaller trees, and for the kids to choose the trees for their house and for Nancy and Hamish’s too. By the time we’ve hauled all of them to their respective places, it’s long past lunchtime and Maisie and Rory are due back to their parents.

‘Don’t decorate the big one without us!’ Maisie tells me sternly as we say goodbye at the tree patch.

‘I have to decorate it without you, you have school and I’m on the clock here!’ I laugh as I hug her goodbye and she clings on. ‘There will be one in each of your bedrooms for you guys to decorate yourselves, and you can bring some ornaments to put on the big one if you like.’

Rory and Maisie both give us multiple hugs goodbye and I don’t expect the sting of sadness I feel. I’m glad I’ll get to see them again next weekend and then spend Christmas with them, but after that… I’ll be going back to the other end of the country. I’m not really ‘Auntie Lula’ and none of them will have any reason to stay in touch with me when this pretence ends.

At the end of the tree patch, there’s the haphazard stone wall of the property boundary, looking out across craggy cliffs that tumble downwards to the turbulent ocean below, and after I’ve waved to the others until they’re out of sight, Ollie’s gone to lean on the wall, and I make my way through the Christmas trees until I’m standing next to him.

He looks shattered, but in a different way than usual. More like the right kind of tired – happy and exhausted, rather than simply drained from work, and I feel it too. A weekend of entertaining kids, after a week of decorating is knackering, but I am nowhere near as knackered as I feel making my way back to Mira’s house on the tube after a day at Calloways, even though the work there isn’t as physical as this.

The view is spectacular from the edge of the estate, overlooking the sea. The outline of a tanker on the horizon to the north. The coast of Northern Ireland in the distance. It’s a place of freedom and true wildness, somewhere you can get really, truly lost, but the good kind of lost.

‘You okay?’ I ask after a few minutes of silence.

Ollie makes an affirmative noise. ‘Haven’t been out here for a while. I always used to cut down the entrance hall tree with my dad, but since… Well, now Hamish acquires any trees I’ve seen since then.’

‘I’m sorry.’ I reach over and rub his arm.

‘No, it’s good.’ He breathes out. ‘I haven’t done this for a while. Looked at the view. Appreciated this place. Felt my feelings. Even spent a weekend not staring at some bloody spreadsheet or other. Thanks for…’ He shakes his head like he doesn’t know what he’s trying to say. ‘Thanks for being here, I guess.’

His hand covers mine on his arm and he mumbles something about my fingers being freezing, and we stay like that for endless minutes. It’s a view you could never get tired of, and I’m starting to think that Ollie’s hand on mine is a feeling I could never get tired of either.

When we walk back towards the castle, he holds his arm out, inviting me to hold on.

‘No one’s watching now.’

‘I know.’ His smile makes me feel decidedly light-headed and I slip my hand into the crook of his elbow and he pulls it in, tucking my fingers against his ribs and giving them a gentle squeeze.

‘Kids are exhausting, right? I don’t know how real parents do it.’ I scrunch my fingers into the fabric of his jacket.

‘I have no idea, but that was the best weekend I can remember in years.’

‘Me too.’ I grin up at him.

I’ve never wanted a family in that sense, but this… I could get used to weekends like this, even if it is just for a little while.

12

It’s 8 December and when Ollie came home with the ‘save the date’ card for his office Christmas party last week, I thought it was a good idea. A chance to meet the people who are joining us for Christmas, see where he works, and go out in public for the first time as pretend husband and pretend wife, and now, I’m rushing around my bedroom trying to find a pair of earrings that are festive without literally flashing.

What was I thinking in agreeing to go with him? I am woefully unprepared for this. I’m the least sophisticated person on the planet, and I can guarantee that the people I’m going to meet tonight are the epitome of refined sophistication. My idea of Christmas party wear is a questionable festive jumper, jewellery that lights up, and always a novelty headband.

I give up on the earrings, poke my feet into the highest heels I own, and head for the stairs.

Ollie’s waiting in the entrance hall, and when the floorboards creak under my feet, he turns around and audibly gasps.

‘Wow.’ He pushes out a breath and my face heats up because the dress could be considered sexy, but only with someone more elegant than me inside it. It’s made of glittery black satin, simply cut, strappy and floor-length, and it accentuates the right curves while disguising the unwanted ones. The holy grail of dresses that I haven’t had a chance to wear since I bought it, but I shoved it into my suitcase before I left London, assuming there might be some formal dinner or something involved in hosting Christmas.

‘Have you seen How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days?’ he asks as I descend the stairs, trying not to overbalance in my heels, and wishing I hadn’t put quite so much garland on the banister rails. ‘That moment when Kate Hudson steps out in the yellow dress and Matthew McConaughey is speechless?’

I nod as I reach ground level, and he holds his hand out and when I slip my fingers over his, he lifts our hands and invites me to do a twirl.

‘I just had that moment in real life. You look… breathtaking.’ His voice comes out as a throaty whisper, making him sound actually breathless, and my cheeks get even hotter.

‘Thank you.’ I don’t hide the fact that I’m appreciating his look too. ‘You are stunning. It’s like stepping out with a prince, but no actual prince could ever come close to you.’