Page 27 of No Bones About It

Time’s up.

I pop through the gate and back out front to see three cars pulling in. Dawn, of course Lois, and the local police.

Lois stalks up the driveway towards me, face indignant, staring down her nose.

Dawn moves to intercept her, but Lois throws out her hand to ward her off while using the other one to wave a cellphone in the air.

“Officers, thank you for meeting me here at the scene of the crime,” she calls to the police who are warily approaching the scene.

“Arrest this woman, and take away that, that, thing,” she sputters, gesturing with the phone towards me and then the backyard.

“On what charges?” Dawn asks, giving Lois a wide berth and circling around to stand next to me.

The officers look back and forth between us.

“That thing is alive, and she was… Well, being a lady, I can’t even say out loud what she was doing with it,” she shakes her phone towards the police. “I have it all right here.”

My heart pounds out, too little, too late, too little, too late, in a frantic staccato beat. The blood drains from my face, and all I can do is whisper, “I’m sorry.”

The police look at Lois, then me, and back to Lois. The older officer crosses his arms and says, “I’m sorry, Lois, but you’ve gone too far. I know you don’t like Tori’s Halloween decorations.”

My jaw clenches. I want to yell that he's not a decoration, but when I take a breath, Dawn sneaks her arm around my shoulders and squeezes.

“But I have proof,” she says, voice shrill as she shoves the phone at them.

The younger officer takes it and stares at the screen.

Despite the Fall air, I feel hot sweat break out across my skin as my cheeks heat. What does she have on that phone?

The officer looks at her and then passes the phone to the other one. He watches it, and then they give each other a look.

“Lois, we’re going to have to ask you to come with us,” one says.

She smirks at me and nods, “Of course, officers. I’m happy to come to the station and give a statement right after you arrest her.”

The officers give each other a cryptic look again and then the older one takes her arm and says, not unkindly, “Lois, all you have there is proof that you were trespassing and spying on a woman in the middle of the night. There’s none of the, um, allegations you said. No activities and certainly no proof that a plastic skeleton came to life.”

“It’s there. Watch again. I saw it. I saw them,” she shrieks, hysterical as they escort her to the car.

The crowd surges forward, phones out as they follow her, and I know that I’m going to go viral again.

Lois looks around bewildered as she just keeps repeating the same line, “I saw them!”

Dawn claps me on the back. “So, she finally snapped.”

I look at her face, at the crowd around me as the police car pulls away with Lois in the back seat, pounding on the glass and screaming something I can’t hear at me. People are shaking their heads and talking about how the HOA lady finally lost it.

And I lose it, too.

I start laughing, and once I start, I can’t stop. I laugh until I’m crying and breathless, and I collapse on the ground.

Dawn looks at me, mildly concerned, giving a small chuckle. “Yeah, that would be pretty funny, huh? We love spooky shit. We’re the Spooky Bitches after all, but that’s kinda wild even for us.”

I look up at her from where I’m sprawled on the ground, eyes streaming. I wipe at them with my sleeve and say, “Yeah, I have no idea how that could happen. A twelve-foot sentient skeleton.”

Dawn gives me an indulgent smile, like maybe she’s just a little worried about me, and helps me to my feet.

I still want to pack up BJ and leave. But now I have time. No pressure to run away together off into the Halloween Eve sunset. With the threat of Lois behind us, we can plan a life together. The thought of looking at properties together has me smiling and knowing how helpful the money today will bring has a bounce in my step.