Page 56 of Split You Open

“Blair!”

She stops and starts to turn around but she doesn’t get the chance to complete the rotation before I’m on her. Together we crash to the ground as I tackle her. She grunts and tries to wiggle free from the tangle of limbs but I climb on top of her and wrap my arms tightly around her body, pinning her arms to her sides, making it so she can’t get up.

“Santi? What are you⁠—”

“You can’t leave!”

I bury my face into her hair. My breathing doesn’t settle nor does my panic recede. I know I’m being foolish, that my reaction is dramatic, but I just went over a week without knowing where she was and if she was okay and wondering if I’d ever see her again. Rationality doesn’t exist at this moment. I cling to Blair as if my life depends on it.

“Can’t… breathe…”

I fight the urge to ignore her, to keep her crushed against me where I can feel her heart, her body heat, and the swell of her lungs as she gasps for air.

Begrudgingly, I shift my weight just enough not to be completely on top of her.

“Santi… get off!” She gasps out.

My bottom lip juts out but I move this time, for real. I sit up but drag Blair up with me and then into my lap as I sit crisscross on the ground. My arms come back around her and I hold her tight. Blair’s stiff in my arms but I don’t care. She’s in my arms—that’s all that matters.

“Santi, what are you⁠—”

“Don’t run,” I plea as I bury my face into the crook of her neck. “Don’t leave me.”

“I wasn’t running or leaving, I just needed some space.”

“You had all the space I’m going to allow,” I snarl, holding her closer. “I don’t want you to be anywhere else other than with me.”

Blair doesn’t say anything to this. She sits there rigidly in my arms for a few minutes in tense silence before her body begins to relax.

“Santi, are you trembling?”

Am I? Oh… I am. I open my mouth to say something but my bottom lip quivers. Rather than speak, I bite it.

Blair sighs, the rest of the tension leaving her body with the long exhale. In Spanish, she asks me quietly, “What’s going on, Santiago?”

Something in my chest unwinds. I’m not sure if it’s because of the familiarity of my native tongue or because the woman I love is no longer fighting me. But when I open my mouth, I manage to speak this time.

“Everyone I’ve ever cared about has died, cariño,” I answer in English. I pull away to look into Blair’s face and find her watching me with an unreadable expression. “This whole time you guys were gone, I thought the same thing would happen.”

Blair frowns. “It didn’t. We’re fine, Santi.”

“But I didn’t know that until you called! It was eight days before I heard your voice and could breathe!” I protest. “I-I don’t want to lose you. I’m so fucking scared that you’ll be taken away from me and I won’t be able to stop it. You were gone, Blair. I didn’t know what happened to you or if you were okay. I can’t do that again. Please don’t make me go through that again.”

“Well, the man responsible for my impending death is sitting in our basement,” she says, her voice thick with anger.

Scowling, I hold her tighter to me. “I won’t let that happen to you.”

Blair’s head twists away from me.

“What do you think we should do?” she asks, her voice cold.

I consider the situation for a long moment. This shit is messy, that’s for sure. There’s no doubt in my mind that, if this was anyone else, I’d immediately suggest killing them. With all the chaos and pain he’s inflicted on all of us—it’s almost justifiable.

But… I owe Ledger everything.

Without him, I wouldn’t be sitting on my ass in the woods with one of the people I love. He deserves some sort of loyalty. If that means fighting for his life, I might have to do that. Then again, I don’t have to make sure the life he lives is a great one. We can keep him in the basement, in that stupid cage, until he dies of old age for all I care. At the end of the day, though, I can’t in good conscience kill him.

I wish more than anything I could make this right for everyone without any more bloodshed or pain. But I can’t.