Page 47 of The Has-Been

Like a fucking paradise I’ll never visit again.

I hear her swallow, and it’s then that I see that my hand lies over hers, each on the doorhandle. She drops her hold, and why does that hurt me more than anything I’ve been through tonight?

I swear she’s about to tilt her head to look at me as my breath hitches. I know if she does, there will only be inches between us. So instead, I pull the wallet from her fingers and toss it into the back seat.

“Liam!” she scolds with a giggle as I open my driver’s side door.

“Over my dead body are you paying,” I joke as I head inside to pick up our order.

I make the mistake of looking back before I walk through the door. Her face is twisted, hard lines etched into her skin, staring at something that seems a million miles away.

I can’t help but wonder if I said something wrong.

After I get our food, I climb back in my Jeep. Thankfully, those distant eyes are long gone as her face lights up from the smell.

Aubrey quickly takes the bag from me, shuffling through our orders as she says, “It smells so good!”

For someone so small, she sure likes to eat. Especially burgers.

They’ve always been her favorite.

As I back out of Lover’s, I instinctively start driving back to her apartment, like my body is on autopilot, thinking of the dozens of times we did the same thing—celebrating a win with burgers and then⁠—

I don’t let myself finish that thought.

I glance over and see Aubrey picking through my box.

“HEY!” I voice, pointing an accusing finger in her direction, “Eat your own fries!”

We both laugh.

But then mine dies too suddenly, because then I’m remembering the first time I said those exact words to her.

It was the first time we went on a real date, when I took her to a concert, introducing her to the world of indie rock. She was immediately obsessed with the band, and I with her. We had hung out several times at Melbourne’s, but that was the first time just the two of us had been together. I ordered burgers on our way back, then we went back to her place to watch a movie.

A movie I couldn’t even tell you the name of because we didn’t watch a single fucking second of it.

“What are you thinking about?” she asks me, bringing me back to the present.

I startle, sucking in a sharp breath as I release a pained, “Ugh…” I can feel her eyes all over me.

God, I wish she wouldn’t do that.

My hands won’t keep still on the steering wheel, dancing over the leather like how Aubrey used to dance to our favorite beat.

I exhale an unsteady breath.

You’ve got to face the past eventually. Jasmine’s words echo.

I swallow, and I think the artery in my neck is going to explode, “I was thinking about the first time I said that to you,” I finally admit. Like a weight lifted from my chest, I suddenly feel lighter, like I have so much more I want to say. “It was after that concert—” I start to explain, but she interrupts.

“I remember.” And I don’t know if she’s being truthful or just doesn’t want me to talk about it anymore. But when I see how her face heats, I can’t help but think it’s the latter.

“You ate damn near all my fries before we made it back to your place.” I chuckle, my chest shaking. And man, does it feel good to laugh. “I was so pissed but didn’t want to say anything⁠—”

“Because you knew you were going to get laid.” She cranes her neck to give me a look, her bangs falling over her eyes.

Now it’s my turn for my cheeks to redden.