Page 62 of The Has-Been

But I don’t want to spend another second longer on this campus than I have to.

It’s not that I don’t love it here. Quite the opposite, as this place has become like a home. It’s the memories that haunt me, that I can’t escape, that I relive everywhere I go.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully move on until I distance myself from this place.

I keep thinking about trivia night, the memory of Aubrey smiling and laughing, playing like a song on repeat. It’s like that everywhere I go around here.

There is not one place that doesn’t make me think of her.

I know I said horrible things to her. That I claimed I was sorry to have ever fallen in love with her.

It was a lie—of course, it fucking was. But the way she looked at me, searching my face, practically begging me to look at her like I once did.

It’s killing me.

Being near her. Wanting to touch her. Talk to her⁠—

It’s fucking killing me.

We are on two completely different courses, heading in opposite directions. She wants to move on, to be friends and hash out the past. And all I want is to go back and change it all.

I clench my mouth tighter and push the thoughts of Aubrey away, though it will be impossible for much longer since I’m about to spend the rest of a long night with her.

Tonight is one of the biggest games of the year—Delleth VS. Chadlington.

As the last game before Thanksgiving week and finals, it draws a big crowd: students eager to see friends before heading home for the weekend, letting loose before the stress of finals sets in. There is no better way than by celebrating a win against our college’s rival.

Opening the players’ entrance into the arena, I can tell that even the atmosphere feels charged. There is a buzz in the air, the anticipation for the holiday and the game thrumming with energy. When I begin my walk into the underground tunnels that snake below the rink above us, I find Reid pacing the halls.

He always gets like this before games.

“Reid,” I call out. But he keeps pacing back and forth. I know he probably can’t hear me over his headphones, so I run up and tap him on the shoulder. He ignores me, looking down at his phone, his face one of hard lines. I try to get a better look, but fail when he slowly turns around, tucking his phone into his sweatpants. He pulls his headphones off.

“You want me to wrap your ankles?” I ask.

Reid shakes his head. “No. Aubrey does it better,” he admits, popping his headphones back over his ears.

Damn. Okay.

I guess he doesn’t want to talk.

I wave him off and head for the athletic trainer’s room. My body stiffens in surprise when I see that Aubrey isn’t here yet. Usually, she always beats me to the arena.

I begin prepping supplies, making sure my pack is fully stocked. Considering this is a huge game—Chadlington’s hockey team and ours have a rivalry nearly as old as the universities themselves—I know there will be more fights and more injuries than usual. The team certainly feels more wired than usual.

A noise pulls my attention away, as I hear someone enter through the door, fully expecting it to be Aubrey. But my eyes meet my other friend instead: Brennan.

“Tape,” he demands, moving toward the table and taking off his socks.

Grabbing my supplies, I angle his ankle to 90 degrees before I begin. I reach for the adhesive spray, but Brennan grumbles, “Dude, no. Aubrey doesn’t use that shit, and it’s so much better.”

I roll my eyes and instead reach for the pre-wrap, lightly twisting it around him from mid-calf to mid-foot.

“Try to stay out of the penalty box for me tonight. I really don’t want to have to work my ass off to stop you idiots from bleeding all over the ice.”

Brennan shrugs as I begin taping the anchors, one around the lower leg and one around the mid-foot.

“You’re talking to the wrong friend,” Brennan states as we both laugh in agreement.