Page 140 of A Perfect Fit

And I’m the opposite of all those things.

I’m a fucking mess right now.

And she deserves someone who isn’t.

Let her go, a loud voice in my head chants.

I implore it to shut up, but it doesn’t go away, like a curse on repeat.

Let her go.

Don’t be selfish.

Let her go.

My knee bounces under the table. My chest is tight again. I can’t tell if I’m hot or freezing.

“Jackson”—worry laces Isabelle’s tone—“what’s wrong?”

Laughter erupts elsewhere in the coffee shop. Baristas shouting orders. The grinding of beans and slamming of a portafilter.

“Bella, I … I don’t think I deserve the boyfriend title for you.” The words scrape on the way out.

Isabelle blinks. “What do you mean? Of course you deserve the boyfriend title.”

The conviction in her voice almost breaks me.

A wave of nausea crashes against my body, leaving an ugly trail in its wake. I want to tell her all my real fears and worries, but it’s as though the words are stuck in my throat, thick and immovable.

“Where is this suddenly coming from?” Isabelle adds, unease in her tone. “I’m not going anywhere. You’re not getting rid of me.”

“I …” I run a hand through my hair and squeeze my eyes shut. “Fuck.”

“Are you saying you want to break up?” she says, her voice small.

Break up.

The dreaded words feel like a blow to my chest.

I swallow. “I … I just don’t want to be a burden on you.”

“You’re not a burden, Jackson,” she firmly says, her eyes starting to water. “This is what I’m here for. To support you through the good and bad, ups and downs, tough times and easy ones. Just like how you’ve always been there for me.”

“I can’t be there for you now like I was.” My voice cracks. “I’m a mess, and I can’t be the man you deserve. Not right now.”

A teardrop trickles down her cheek, followed by another and another, until her eyes are wet and puffy. Sharp needles of pain pierce my heart at the fact that it’s me who’s caused her to cry.

Isabelle’s bottom lip trembles. “You do deserve me, Jackson. I know this is a hard time for you right now, but please don’t push me away.”

My eyes well up with tears, my heart shattering into a million jagged pieces.

“I should walk away because I can’t give you the best.” I feel the words cutting us both open, see the sunken look in her eyes. “Not when I’m jobless. I just … I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

“What? Did someone fire you?” I catch a glimpse of the fierceness on Isabelle’s face. “I’ll kick their ass if they did.”

A burning ache forms at the back of my throat. “No. No one fired me. It was my choice to leave.”

Isabelle blinks, a lugubrious blend of hurt and confusion in her eyes.