Page 89 of Binding His Fated Mates

“No,” I said. Then I took a deep breath—because holy hell, this was hard—and added, “You’re right. You’re always right. It’s one of the most annoying things about you.”

Lee let out a sharp breath that might’ve been a laugh. “Sorry.”

“Yeah, well, it’s also one of the best things about you.” I swallowed hard, around the hot lump in my throat. “This isn’t just about me.”

Somehow, just admitting that simple truth aloud made the rigidity vanish. The hot wash of emotions flooding me drained away, leaving me feeling cold and oddly empty.

Out of my periphery, I caught Lee shooting me a strange look, as if I’d surprised him.

“If he’d told us, I probably would’ve gone ballistic.” Then I met his gaze and added, “And if we’d said yes—that we wanted to do the spell, to become one person again—he would’ve lost us both.”

“Yeah. That’s about the size of it.”

“Do you want to?” I didn’t want to ask, but I felt like I had to. Apparently, I was more than willing to face my fears head-on when it really mattered.

And Lee mattered. And Daniel mattered, too. So fucking much.

My twin went quiet for a long time. I got the sense that he was really thinking it over, weighing every possibility before he gave me his answer. Processing it to within an inch of its life.

Lee was like that, whereas I always swung from my gut and let the chips fall wherever they were going to.

I’d spent so much time thinking that my impulsivity was wrong, a liability. But we balanced each other, didn’t we? How could I give that up?

How could I give up seeing Lee’s face first thing in the morning, so much like mine, except also different? How could I give up Lee’s quiet contemplation, his simple and profound ability to sit with me even when I was in a shitstorm of my own making? How could I give up his thoughtful pauses or the way his eyes lit up when an idea struck him suddenly? He was my best friend, my twin, my other half. And I loved him completely, even when I hated him, too.

“I’ve been asking myself if I’m real or not,” Lee said at last. “For the longest time. If I’m the half that doesn’t belong here.”

“The thought has occurred to me, too,” I replied wryly, watching him. I was hardly even surprised.

“We’re both real,” Lee said slowly. There was an odd conviction in his words. “That’s the truth. We’re not really him anymore, exactly, but we’re both still him, too. We both exist and we’re both complete people, in spite of—and maybe even because of—our differences. Together, I think we might be more Hunter Lee Jameson than he ever was, when he was just one person.”

I felt a rush of warmth at Lee’s words. And there was a strange gravity to them, as if Lee speaking them into existence somehow made them true. Through the connection between us, I could feel the choice he was making to let it be our reality.

I searched his gaze. “You’re right. But I’m still not sure that answers my question.”

“I don’t want to.” His eyes—identical in every way to my eyes, save for the grave expression they carried—locked with mine. “It would mean losing myself. Though, I’m not sure I’d perceive it that way—probably, neither of us would.” Then he paused and, more cautiously, he added, “But it would mean losing you, too, Hunter. And I don’t think I could handle that. I think it would always feel like half of me was gone. On some level, if I was still at all me, I’d probably miss you forever.”

He was right. He was always right. We’d both be losing each other, wouldn’t we? And we’d lose ourselves, too. Who we’d become in the time since we’d been split. We would become a third person, someone new from the sum of our parts. Would that person be more like me—the rash and impulsive one? Or would he be more like Lee, prone to thoughtfulness and silence?

Or would he be someone entirely new?

Someone who thought he was both of us, but who wasn’t really either of us at all? Someone who had erased me and my twin from existence.

It filled me with dread, the idea of not just dying, but being fully removed from reality and remade into something new, someone who thought he was me, but no longer was. And the idea of a world without Lee in it was almost too dark a thought to even contemplate.

And the reason for that wasn’t hard to find.

“I love you,” I said. “I don’t really know what that means or how I’d ever even explain it to someone else. Hell, if you held a gun to my head and demanded that I put it into words, I’d probably tell you to pull the trigger, because I don’t think I have words for how I feel about you.”

The silence hung between us and Lee’s eyes filled, turning glassy.

I forced myself to keep going. “It’s not romantic, but it’s not—you’re not just my brother. You’re me. You’re the better side of me. You’re the side of me I actually love. And I always have.”

Something raw and tender swept across his face and he blinked furiously. His voice went thicker than before when he replied with, “You’ve never said you loved me before.”

“Well, I do. We’ve already established I’m an idiot, so let’s just add that onto the pile. And on top of all that, you’re my best friend, Lee. And I can’t lose you, either. I won’t. I’d miss you forever, too.”

Lee slid his hand into mine and squeezed it. “You know what? It’s funny that you say that I’m the better half, but from where I’m sitting, I’m not sure that’s true.” He smiled, his eyes still shining. “You always find a way to surprise me, Hunter. I’m pretty sure you’re going to keep doing it for the rest of our lives.”