Page 25 of Make it a Double

Her compassion was almost too much to bear. I didn’t deserve it. Not after putting her and Duke in a position where they felt like they had to take care of me. They had their own kids to worry about. They shouldn’t have had to worry about mine on the way.

“But what about work? I’ll need time off to go to doctor’s appointments, and even more when the baby is born.” I let out a low groan and let my head fall into my hands. The tears were already slipping down my cheeks as I said, “I can’t afford any of this. What right do I have to give birth to this baby when I live paycheck-to-paycheck? Maybe my own mom had the right idea.”

Liv’s eyes grew cold at the mention of my mother leaving. I knew Duke had dealt with a similar situation before Olivia came into their lives, and it had shaken her to the core. “I’m going to tell you something that very few people know,” she said quietly. There was no music in the background. No sound of employees stocking or cleaning in the back room. All I could hear was the thundering of my own heart as I waited for her to speak. “When I found out I was pregnant with Charlie, I almost didn’t tell Grady. We both had wanted kids, but not necessarily with each other. I felt like I’d ruined his chance at happiness by taking that away from him. The night we’d spent together had been a lapse of judgement. A moment where weakness overruled sense, and left me facing the consequences.” She tapped her fingers against the bartop, and looked away. “It would’ve been so easy for me to drive across state lines to terminate. I traveled for work constantly back then.”

“What changed?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe it was the weight of the secret, or the decision itself, but I broke down and told Grady a few days later. It was too much to decide on my own. He was brilliant, of course. Told me he would stand by whatever decision I made, and hold my hand through it all. That was when it clicked for me. This was my chance to be a mom. Likely my only chance, if I was being honest with myself.” She shrugged. “So, I took it knowing Grady and I could fall apart at any time, and that it would drastically change my life. I just didn’t realize how good of a change that would be. My pregnancy prompted me to think beyond the here and now. It made me consider what I really wanted from life. While it took a little while for me to figure it out,” she gestured around, “I think it was worth the wait.”

It seemed so simple coming from her, but she existed in an entirely different tax bracket than I did. If she wanted to, Liv could’ve hired a nanny to take care of Charlie while she went out and girlbossed her ass off. I didn’t think I’d even be able to afford the mountain of diapers needed, let alone eventual daycare.

“Liv, I can’t afford⁠—”

“If finances weren’t a consideration, would you want to have this baby?”

Yes. I didn’t even have to think about it. The answer came to me, clear as day. But it didn’t matter because finances were a hindrance, no matter how badly I wished they weren’t.

As though she could tell I was preparing to argue, she held up her hand to stop me from talking. “I need you to listen to me when I tell you that should you choose to have this baby, I don’t want you to worry about money.”

“But I don’t live in a world where that’s an option for me,” I said, voice breaking. “These rent spikes have nearly taken me out. Any savings I had is gone now.”

“We’ll help–”

I shook my head, knowing what she was about to offer. “Nope. No way. I can’t take money from you. Not after everything y’all have done for me.”

Liv’s eyes softened as she stared at me. It made me uncomfortable. Like she was sitting there, thinking about how much she pitied me. “Sawyer, do you consider me a friend?”

Her question took me off guard. I’d never really thought of it before. I might’ve thought of Liv as a friend, but I considered myself an obligation. No more than an employee that she took interest in. I worked at Frank’s long before Olivia and Duke started working together. When we met, she was more than kind. She always checked up on me, offered me rides when my car broke down. Picked me up after a one night stand without question. But somehow, calling her my friend seemed wrong. I was almost afraid to answer. What if I said yes and she laughed? What if it was all in my head?

“I think so,” I answered honestly. “I’ve never had many friends before, which sounds a little pathetic admitting out loud.”

“Neither have I,” Olivia admitted, laughing softly. “Friendships don’t come easy when you work as much as I did, but Sawyer… I’m honored to consider you one of my first. And as your friend, I want to help. No matter what that looks like. Whether that’s digging through my old storage unit for Charlie’s old baby furniture, or making sure you have enough money in your account to breathe a little. Duke and I have been talking about raising your salary for a few months now, especially since you’ve taken on new responsibilities around here.” Reaching out, she squeezed my knee. “But if you decide this isn’t a path for you, I’ll help you however you need. We could take a girls trip to California. Maybe some sun would do you good.”

I understood what she was offering without her having to spell it out. Before me were two roads, and only I could decide which one to follow. There was no way of knowing which was best, but either way I had to keep moving.

Could I be a good mom? I knew all I needed to about being a shitty one thanks to my own abandonment issues. Hell, that already made me better than my own mom. My hand slid over my stomach. Even though it was flat now, I imagined what it would be like to feel the eventual bulge of my belly or the flutter of kicks to my ribs.

It would be hard. Of that, I had no doubt. But some part of me didn’t want to let go. Like Liv, this might’ve been my only chance to have a baby. I was only in my mid-twenties, but I had no relationship prospects. Adoption or even freezing my eggs was out of the question given how expensive both options were. But I didn’t need either of those when I already had what I needed most.

“I don’t know if I can do this alone,” I whispered.

Liv hopped off her stool and pulled me into her arms. “Then it’s a good thing you don’t have to, isn’t it?”

BECKETT

Date: Thursday, Febuary 4th

To-Do:

- Meeting with dear old dad

- Grocery shop (need more corndogs)

My family home was eerily silent as I stepped through the mahogany double doors and into our foyer. Moonlight shone through the skylight above, casting ominous shadows as I moved through the halls as silently as a mouse.

It was a strange juxtaposition to how it was a few weeks ago at the infamous Montgomery New Year’s Eve Extravaganza. Each room was warmly lit as fires roared throughout the night. Silver and gold tinsel lined every column, shiny reminders of good fortune as revelers celebrated their portfolio wins for the year before not-so-discreetly pulling their mistresses into dark corners. Meanwhile, wives carefully turned their gazes elsewhere, and nannies ran after the children who should’ve gone to bed hours before.

It was a classic case of misdirection. A time to eat, drink, and be merry while my father plied his associates with more liquor than was appropriate and carefully tucked away enough blackmail to get him through another year at the top.