Page 44 of Make it a Double

Sawyer just stared out of the window.

“Is it mine?”

More silence.

“Sawyer—”

“Six months next week.” Her voice was so soft, I had to strain to hear her. “And yes. It’s yours.”

We were safe. We used a condom. Several of them, actually. I remembered that distinctly. One of them must’ve broken, but wouldn’t I have realized that?

No, probably not. I’d been too fucking focused on the beauty in my bed at the time.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What was I going to do?

“And you’re sure it’s⁠—”

“Yours?” she asked, and I nodded. It was rude to ask, but I barely knew her. She could’ve broken up with a shitty ex-boyfriend around the same time and just assumed the baby was mine.

But wouldn’t it be easier to pin it on an unsuspecting ex rather than pin it on a man she thought she’d never see again?

Sawyer exhaled sharply, mumbling under her breath. “Well, you’re the only person I’ve been with.”

I blinked. Surely I hadn’t heard her right. “I’m sorry. I think the shock must be settling in. What’d you just say?”

She wrapped her arms around her stomach. “I was a virgin, okay? You’re the only person I’ve ever slept with, so if this baby isn’t yours… We—I mean, I have bigger concerns.”

Yeah, there was definitely something wrong with my ears. A virgin? Absolutely not. No. No way.

I racked my memory, searching for any sign or hint of discomfort on her face that night, but nothing stood out. It was easy to recall, seeing as I’d been playing it on repeat for months. How her lips parted as I moved inside her. The way she clawed at my back, begging for more. To go harder. Faster.

Every command she uttered, I obeyed.

But there’d been no blood. Wasn’t there supposed to be blood? I’d never taken a woman’s virginity before, so I didn’t have a firsthand account to fall back on. But that was what normally happened, wasn’t it? Or was that some bullshit lie someone made up that went rampant?

“I don’t understand,” I said, slowly.

“What’s so difficult to understand, Beckett?”

“Isn’t there supposed to be, I don’t know, some kind of sign?”

She waved her hand. “Everyone is different. Since I’m a bit older and have been using toys for years, maybe I was better prepared. Or maybe I’m one of the lucky ones who never had to worry about that. Either way, it was better than admitting I was a virgin at twenty-four.”

I rubbed my temple, mitigating a migraine threatening to bloom. So much was being thrown my way all at once. I was having trouble wrapping my mind around it all. Twenty minutes ago, I was sitting at a restaurant with a pretty girl I hadn’t been able to get off my mind, and now I was finding out that I was not only going to be a father in a couple of months, but that I’d also taken a woman’s virginity and had no idea.

I didn’t care that she didn’t tell me. That was her prerogative. Her body, her choice. But I hated not being able to check in on her afterward. While that was more about making myself feel better rather than her, I didn’t want her to think that the sex we had meant nothing when in reality, it meant everything.

Looking at Sawyer now, I could see how scared and nervous she’d been when I saw her at Frank’s. She was chewing on her fingernails like it was an Olympic sport, leaving them jagged and bleeding in some spots. The dark circles beneath her eyes seemed to grow tenfold since I’d seen her last. Had she not been sleeping well because of pregnancy symptoms or because she had to contemplate the consequences of our carelessness alone?

“I’m going to ask a stupid question,” I said, glancing at her.

She rolled her eyes, quickly wiping a tear that’d fallen. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

There she was. “Are you okay?”

“You’re right. That is a stupid question.”

My lips curled into a smile. “Obviously, this is all a bit of a mind fuck to me, but you’ve been dealing with this alone.” I reached over, pulling Sawyer’s hand away from her mouth. She looked uncomfortable beneath the weight of my attention. “How’re you feeling about all of this?”